I'm not talking about the substitution, in place of similar offensive words, of sanitized versions such as darn, shucks, dang, crud, freaking, and heck. I'm referring to Yosemite (or some variation depending on context) Sam talk. If more people could work themselves up to saying things like "That consarned varmit!" in typical arguments, it would be a sunnier, and probably goofier, world. While most think of the members of the Sam family when it comes to fake swearing, by far the best example I've heard comes from Darren McGavin in A Christmas Story, shown twelve times a year on TNT, who says words that have absolutely no counterpart among George Carlin's esteemed friends starting with M, S, F and C*, but seems to have so much fun saying them that I don't care. I'm still waiting for the perfect opportunity to call my father a "mundane noodle" this holiday season.

* Not "Microsoft Foundation Classes."

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