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This is a dramatization...

a grainy camera trains in on a 300 pound girl in spandex biker shorts and a halter top, a 200 pound woman in tastefully slimming (and concealing) black clothing approaches her...

"'Scuse me miss, were you aware of the fact that you're 300 pounds?"

"Yeah, what's it to ya'?"

"Well ma'am, I'm with the "Fat Girl Fashion Police" and you're in violation of not only the Gut Laws, but the Cottage Cheese Thighs Act of 1979 and Fat Rolls Amendment of '81."

a animalistic roar starts deep in the throat of the offender as she prepares to tackle the officer. in a frightening whirlwind of undualting fat and neon spandex the cop goes down. she speaks into her walki-talkie...

"Get back up! Prepare a tranquilizer, we've got a wild one on our hands!"

a crack team of Fat Girl Aquisition Experts pour forth from a nearby black van. one of the officers sets her sights and fires. a pink, feathered dart appears in one of the offender's fat rolls...

"Miss! Aim for something more vital!"

another shot is taken with better results. the perp starts to slow down. she finally stops and the team cautiously moves in, and lead her to the van. the scene fades out...

the scene fades in...in front of Lane Bryant. The woman is lead inside and given a personal shopper and 300 hundred dollars.

"Good work team! Who wants to hit the Breakfast Bar at Shoney's?"

note:before anyone gets their panties in a wad, this was written by a girl who currently weighs 235 pounds, so get over it!

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