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Your friend Behr woke up in a new location after passing out in room at Mr. Blofeld's place. This is some kind of underground secret base built for some reason on a sea of lava (hot). The good news is that I have finally be made one with the Fuhrer! Can you believe it? I cannot. There he was, standing over me when I woke up here (with no innards), asking me, "What took you so long?" (in German).

It was something, let me tell you.

The Fuhrer has some kind of big time authority in this place. He took me on a three hour tour, introducing me to some interesting men with horns and pitchforks that seemed nice enough. I loved that they were skewering babies. It was something I always wanted to try, but I kind of draw the line at torturining anyone before the age of three. 

He took me to meet his immediate superior, Joan Crawford (lovely woman - great to have a chance to finally meet her). She reports directly to who they both refer to as "the big guy." He is like the interesting men but much larger and has red skin that is always on fire. Neat. Good stuff. She told me I didn't have to bother with him, that I was to report directly to her.

"I don't understand. What is the plan?"

"Torture, maim, kill, and then do it to them again."

"After I kill them?" I said, wondering if killing would still be as much fun if it were allowed.

"Yes, after you kill them they come back and you do it again. You were given a field promotion to rank given your vast knowledge of and interest in torture. Otherwise you'd be in the pit with the rest. Only the truly blessed are given rank here, Mr. Goats."

"My name is Itzak Berky now."

"You were misled. That was misdirection to get you to Blofeld's health spa..."

"How was it necessary?" This whole affair was perplexing!

Joan Crawford then ripped my head off and handed it to me. This was done in the literal sense (head actually removed) and it did not troulble me much because it was still fully functional while being held between my hands. I used a light touch because I have a slippery bald head and sensitive pores. I walked away bored.

I am going to wander around some more but I hope you are glad to know that I am alive and well after my ordeal, and of course that I have been happily reunited with the Fuhrer.

My friends. Wish you could join me here. One day I hope you will!

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