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it's not like he occupies my every thought. but i hate taking things slow--it seems silly not to take every chance, especially when time passes so fast.

i wish i could talk to him about my thoughts on relationships in general, so that he knows where i stand and that i don't expect anything. i guess we'll see as time passes.

i like to be direct, and i like direct answers. but i don't mind waiting for something if it's worth the wait. i know all important things take time and effort. i would love to find someone that can be my partner in building something that will eventually grow on it's own, but i would never try to fit anyone into that position. i can't expect someone to stick around and listen to my shit forever. and i'm certainly not going to sacrifice my peace for some lousy companionship. and besides, if you start out with low expectations, you're always pleasantly surprised with the outcome.

i guess that's where i am right now.

i automatically discount sexual relationships on the basis that they are involuntarily necessary and therefore not based on anything real. i separate sex from relationships because it is not the foundation for growth, and should not be considered as such. the foundation for growth is not based in something physical, it's much more specific to the people involved. their personalities, their beliefs and who they are--all these things.

the fact that everyone likes to have it off is not enough fodder for a good relationship. or at least, not for me.

The only things I will try to remember about today:

  1. While crying on the sidewalk, I was approached by two strangers within thirty seconds - one a homeless guy asking for change, and one a young man in a blue suit who put his hand on my shoulder and didn't go away until I assured him that I really was all right.

  2. The serious young badass flying down Peachtree's sidewalk in his motorized wheelchair. His head was down (concentrating on aerodynamics) and he was gripping a leash connected to the happiest puppy in the world. A golden retriever, galloping, grinning.

  3. Two little girls, equally unworried, wholly delighted to be outside on a nice day. One ran up and said "My nose is smooshy! Feel it!" (I did; it was) The other one, who is very important, a child I take differently than others, sat by me for a long time, watching the other kids, quiet, happy. After a while she leaned over and hugged me hard and said, "Jessie, you're the best." Then she did cartwheels. For me. Sometimes what you need waits until you need it the most. And then there she is.

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