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The bubble-tossing, elfin hero of Hao's Mysterious Journey for the FamiCom (aka Mystery Quest for the NES). The hell of his existence is that not only does he have a long quest, but he has to go through it four times.

My associate kalas, suffered breakdowns and emotional scars at the hands of this game. But he finally conquered all. And documented his experiences.

there does come a time in everyone's life when they are faced with something so evil, so disgusting, so... wrong... that they cannot help but be consumed by it. believe what your parents tell you, but there is a hell. i have been there and seen the face of the devil.
and he smiled at me.

they say that if you mock the devil he will flee, but this isn't so. he doesn't ever leave. he just makes your life have less and less meaning until there's nothing left but your desire to stop him. but you say, why would the devil do such a thing. isn't it in his best interest not to have people against him? of course, this does make sense. i even thought of it numerous times, but really, once you get down into the grit of evil, it doesn't matter. he knows he's better than you, and he isn't afraid to tell you so.


time and again he degrades my self worth. never will i be good enough for this being, i think. all i wanted was to be a wizard. to be accepted. to be good enough. but it's never good enough, oh no. not good enough for wizard. really, what more is there to life. not much. it pains me to the point that i grow weaker simply standing around, thinking of my plight. because of course, it would be too easy if you could simply quit. oh yes, far far too easy. how would you ever become a wizard then? so again and again i try, only to be crushed in the instant of my victory, which never comes. and why should it? i'm not worthy. i'm not good enough. i can't even fucking swim. i'm a little pissant elf wearing a turtle shell on my stupidass head shooting bubbles at legions of cloned scorpions in a pastel world. does this sound like the life of a winner. oh no. this sounds like the life of me. forever doomed to wander the earth, dreaming of what will never come.

but what is this? after all the years. the music stopped.
i am a powerful wizard, motherfucker. you best respect.
hao out, bitch.

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