I first discovered (I say discovered rather than invented because I'm sure I'm not the first to try this out, but still...) this wondrous milkshake whilst working for Empire Cinemas in the summer of 2008 in order to try and stump up some cash towards my LPC. It is, and of this there can be no doubt, the best thing ever if it's getting late in the afternoon - or you've had no lunch - and you need a parcel of empty calories to keep going or to stay awake or keep it together.

And it's really easy to make as well!

You will need:

  • Chocolate ice cream. Try to avoid anything with bits in it, or it makes the bottom of the concoction a bit too gritty. You'll want plenty of this actually. And make sure it's not the low fat bollox either. That bit's very important. Since the ice cream stall at Empire was a Ben & Jerry's affair, I used Chocolate fudge brownie myself, sometimes with a wee bit of Phish food.

  • A dash of vanilla ice cream. Once again, avoid anything bitty. By a dash, I mean a proportionate dash, about 3/7 the amount of chocolate ice cream you're using.

  • Caramel sauce. This is the important bit. Caramel sauce is pretty much entirely sugar. Without it, your pickup will be rendered rather moot.

  • A single shot of kahlua. Safety Bear reminds you to slurp responsibly. If you're boring, you may substitute coffee syrup. Kahlua, although 20% alcohol, I find gives me quite a kick.

  • Milk. Otherwise it wouldn't be a milkshake. Full fat milk, natch.
  • Stuff it all into a blender. Blend liberally. Ideally you'll want to make sure, though, that when you add the caramel sauce, you put it in the middle of all the ice cream and other stuff, then add the milk on top of it all. This means that as the sauce cools, it stays near the middle and doesn't smear across the sides of the blender. Also, the less liquid the sauce, the easier it'll spread throughout the mix. The same applies, to a lesser extent, to the kahlua, you don't want it to smear everywhere either. Pour into a glass. Chug.

    Nutrition Information: Bugger me if I know. Needless to say, it's got as many (or more) calories, sugar, and stimulants in it as any energy drink, and to boot, it doesn't taste like vaguely fruit-flavoured sweat.

    There you go. Now why don't you try it? I guarantee you'll swear by it. ("Fucking unpalatable slurry!") Short of a Butterfinger McFlurry, I don't think there's a finer pick-me-up out there...

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