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During my reckless and irresponsible youth (okay, it was 2 years ago), I caused myself to be arrested for drunk driving. It was St. Patrick's Day, and what can I say... I'm Irish. That's no excuse and it's really not funny, but the irony of it still cracks a smile in my head.

Part of the punishment for the crime is that the offender is required to attend Alcohol Awareness classes for a specific amount of time, depending on his/her blood alcohol level at the time of the arrest. I was .1, which put me on the slap on the wrist end of the scale, so I had a once a week 4 hour class.

The class had more than just drunk drivers in it, there were all breeds of drug offenders. There was a middle aged nurse who had tested positive for cocaine in her urine. About 5 young men were there for testing positive for marijuana use, and a couple of guys who'd tested for crystal meth. We watched informative videos on the horrors of REEFER, and angry toned videos about the drunk drivers who murdered my honor roll student. At the end of our class, we went around the room and announced to the rest of the class what we had done, why it was wrong, and who we were in society's eyes. This was to give us all perspective - so that I wouldn't leave the class thinking "I have to sit in here with all these losers that I have nothing in common with, they're all trash, and this was just a transgression for me, it wasn't my fault," or some other such ego preserving bullshit.

I told everyone my story, and how I got caught. I told them what I did for a living, and sat down. The next guy was a trucker. He had tested positive for crystal meth during a random drug screen, and ended up here. Everyone asked him questions about it, and he told us that all those big rigs that you see along the side of the road, or at truck stops - they aren't always sleeping or taking a break. They might be negotiating where to find meth, or smoking on the side of the road. The tricked out rigs with all the lights and airbrushing were a dead giveaway for a dealer, he said. They hop on the CB and offer out their "high speed chicken feed." Truckers will hop on the channel and ask who's hauling the chickens.

Funny, I never would have thought that the chicken hauler would haul anything but chickens.

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