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That creepy bastard

Not dissimilar from the typical hobgoblin, this beast frightens an individual with superstitious fear and keen persistence. Reminding often in vulnerable moments of past failure and potential loss. It whispers lost love names between the rustles of sheets and pokes pins in kidneys as one attempts sleep.

The goblin conceals itself in shadows and behind closed doors. It varies in size and shape, and has the ability to become invisible. This hobgoblin of broken hearts has an uncanny ability as a lecherous parasite, feeding upon the unrequited love of being. It carries a straw to suck up all the love which dribbles forth from the poetry and tears often associated with the lovelorn. It pursues diligently. Over its shoulder is a satchel of trickery, filled with potent ammunition to cripple potential progress.

As an adolescent it develops its skill by tripping children and snatching love letters from the mail. It grows under beds.

When encountered, it is essential to confront the beast immediately. This is crucial, for ignorance and procrastination fortify the goblins power. One must attack it with reckless abandon - shouting words and phrases of affirmation for the soul. Worn talismans or ones carried in pockets (not associated with the lost love), are effective deterrents of the goblin. Attacking with force is futile as this haunt is similar to ghosts and the fears found in dreams; the wounds seemingly inflicted upon the goblin are in reality only upon oneself. Other methods are also effective and each individual must implement specific strategies for escape, though the beast may hang around for decades hoping for a slip in the stoic demeanor of the individual.

The one true blue way to become rid of the beast is, of course, to fall in love again and for the love to become reciprocated and lasting. The bond of two is too much for the goblin and his bag of tricks to bear. The brute is forced to sulk away in search of another vulnerable soul to spook.

The ultimate hobgoblin of broken hearts resides in the scoreboard of Wrigley Field and is free to roam the depths of psyche of every Cubs fan.

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