I'm tempted to lie and say I'm empty inside and paint a picture of a man drowning,
pulled beneath the tides by
undertow,
but I am alive, surviving on stolen gulps of city air yanked from the lungs of the
Statue of Liberty or any other cold beheamoth the meaning of which changes with time
Irony is dead and trying to take me with it
but I will never submit,
I hold on with the grip of someone who has slipped before,
and oh, the people I've seen fall,
giants of Will,
artisans of sincerity,
ever-smiling, ever-vibrant headcases
doctors
lawyers
lovers of life, real pieces of shit
politicos and death-dealers smashing out a four on the floor, smother-your-mother-and-fuck-her rock and roll, full of soul, I will survive and if I don't who gives a fuck anyway new American anthem,
I feel the weight of an occasional desire to fuck someone I hate while I breath fire and she chews glass
I suppress it
Barely able to move past the chant of
"Ruin me, Ruin me, Ruin me,"
Believe whatever you want as long as it hurts.
Steal.
Be patient. Sand from the hourglass lends weight to your stupid opinions and thickens up the mud we live in as I hold on through that all-American numbness, the blisters and bruises gathered through an eternal escape from Justice, because though I hate marching, I love running
and I've been threated with every flavor of Armageddon and in dreams I've seen what I hope my slowly shattering mind shows me when the time comes
A slideshow of memories and imaginings:
grass stains on little league baseball pants,
young bodies kept in impeccable shape from hours of sex,
just out of reach of regret,
conversations 'til dawn when the sun trespasses on our sanctuary,
nightmares of being chased by a skeletal jesus, skin and bones, confuse me, confuse me, confuse me
That cultural icon who knows how to hold on, I want to hold on like Jesus holds on, like stepping down off that cross would be more painful than staying
I hold on even though some mornings I completely forget why, with my mouth dry and a sweet taste on my lips and something worth remembering more than just hold on. hold on. hold on. but that is what I wake up with, that's what I choke on and sometimes swallow, that's the dogma I follow like peace follows war because there's nothing left
nothing left to hold on to