display | more...

While in general, I don't really consider myself much of a pompous asshole, I sure do a good job of it as far as my girlfriend is concerned. So, I'm in trouble again.

The first, best, and greatest way to be a jerk and piss people off, especially your girlfriend, is to not tell her about big important things that are happening. This works really well; trust me, I know. It's not that I do this on purpose, it's just that I forget things really fast and my mind moves on to more interesting things, or I've got conflicted loyalties between the people I love and the people who have confided in me. Excuses, excuses.

Since women are confusing, I'm not really sure what I did tonight, but I think it had something to do with not realizing she was ready to go out, because she didn't explicitly say so, although the possibility was under discussion. I'll have to work on developing my psychic powers more.

Other, more mundane, yet totally fabulous ways to piss off your SO:

  • Leave your dirty laundry all over the bedroom instead of putting it in your laundry basket
  • Don't do the dishes
  • Never take out the trash
  • Keep them out until 1:00 am, when you know they usually go to bed
  • at 10:00 PM, and have to get up at 6:00 am the next morning to goto work
  • Ogle others
  • Make fun of them for hours on end
  • Embarrass them in front of friends
  • ... in front of their parents
  • ... in front of your parents
  • Tell them to have some more vegetables at your parent's house, when you know that they are a picky eater, but will have some more anyway just to impress your parents
  • Go to the zoo when them, and then say "You're a {animal name here}". Over and over again, for every large, ungraceful animal you see.

Some of the above are also great ways to piss off your roommate. See also, The Roommate from Hell War Node.

Doing this stuff can get your ass dumped.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.