Perfume sellers make large amounts of money every year by selling chemical concoctions to people who approve of the way said chemicals smell. Ranging from natural scents to completely fabricated fragrances, perfumes are easily one of the more popular gifts for friends and lovers of the female persuasion. Unfortunately, there are those of us (the author included) who are paralyzed by the aroma of perfumes for whatever reason--a genetic inability to break down benzene rings is often the culprit, as is rooming with someone whose idea of personal hygiene can be summed up by the words "less effort, more patchouli."

There are, of course, ways to smell pleasant without having to submit oneself or one's associates to intense chemical, or personal, smells. The following is a short list of mostly cheap and easy options.

  • A small amount of Orange Clean behind the ears will make one smell both citrus fresh and attract fewer ants than actual orange juice.
  • For those with long tresses, wrapping a scrunchie around a packet of potpourri overnight (cinnamon is especially easy to get in the holiday season) results in a cheap, portable hair-pomander. Removing the packet in the morning is advised.
  • Clothes which smell heavily of cigarette smoke,, can be freshened with a scent-neutralizing spray such as Febreze, and burying them in cedar balls will help them smell better that much faster.
  • Air freshener trees are available in a number of scents and colors, and are certain to accessorize even the dullest of outfits.
  • Keeping a small vial of peppermint oil around one's neck may not make one smell pleasant in and of itself (unless left open, of course), but makes for a welcome life-saver should one need to dissect something or clean the WC.
  • A smallish envelope filled with spices and sealed can be slipped into a shirt pocket to freshen the air around oneself. It is advised not to stuff said envelope too full to avoid questioning looks.
  • Small bits of cloth soaked in furniture polish or floor cleaner (such as the pine-fresh favorite that is Pine-Sol) result in delightful talismans against horrible smells.
  • A scented dryer sheet can theoretically be used in the place of a handkerchief in a pocket or a ribbon in one's hair, though it is advised to at least draw a little border along the edge.
  • Bathe, dammit.

Is that not simple? May your day be a pleasantly-scented and free from crippling migraines.

A few mild edits to correct a misspelled word and to make certain product names a little less puzzling to figure out. My thanks to those who messaged with advice.

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