I Love When it Rains at Night
by logan

I love when it rains at night. I hear the drops. The water falling. But in the darkness I can't see what I hear. So what is it then? I know only from experience. Cool. Air drifting through my hair. This breeze feels like it is a rush to get somewhere, then it stops, not knowing where to go next. After a moment of hesitation, it is off again in a new direction, pushing my hair back and forth, cold on my bare hairy feet.

I close my eyes to avoid distraction and listen to the water and the not so distant rumblings. I open my eyes moments later and my gaze falls on a spider prowling the top of my canvas pants for prey. I check, no not a black widow nor a brown spider. I watch it for a moment and try to figure out what he is thinking... stop... crawl.... Pause. Feel. Crawl. He approaches the defined border of skin and cloth and I decide his adventures with me are finished. A flick of this pen sends him out into the darkness, where he can start his long trek back to the light and the canvas pants.

Another distant flash illuminates my glistening surroundings. Another bug circles my head, a newcomer. But this time it is a flying ant and snuffed from existence. Never did like ants. But then I expect no less with a single light in the desert night. Bugs, they come with the territory and I don't give in to my civilized logic, "I am paying for this light damnit, I should be able to enjoy it without freeloaders!" But instead I smile.

Rain has that effect. A feeling of nature taking its course, something completely out of my control. But I don't care. I like it. I want to walk out from under my cover and enjoy it, feel the cold water run down my skin. Permanently enjoy the feeling of everything not being about an hourly wage or a GPA or a SAT. Being instead about how I feel physically and mentally... survival. The pour relinquishes to a drizzle and I pause for a moment... how has falling water changed my attitude so? For once I let the question be and don't let my mind run rampant. Sit. Smile. Enjoy the moment. Because I know if I don't I'll miss out on something I might never realized I missed. Make sense? No, no not really.

I remember hiking with my mom in the Chiricahua as a kid, probably about 12. For some reason I couldn't get my mind off of the future... what I had to do when I got home, what I was missing. After not too long of listening to me whine my mom stops me and says "Logan, let the future take care of itself. Look around yourself and enjoy where you are." Of course I blew her off but you know the next few miles of trail were spent thinking about what she said. Now its one of those things that I think about a lot but couldn't remember where I first heard it from. Who knows? Maybe that was the root of my current do-what-you-feel-don't-stress philosophy. Or maybe it's just the rain calming my mind again. I love it when it does that--I love it when it rains at night.

Water pattering
through diffused orange.
Lucidly illusional
in cathartic, broken darkness,
crushed by surreal still bleeding purple sky.
Exotic wails
from invisible birds
resurrected from nightmare melodies.
Too fast
too still
in so much
achingly beautiful.
Russian roulette with sanity.
Scream silently
in lashing black deliverance.
Laugh and

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