For those of you who know me, you’ll know that that statement is as true as it gets. After all, I’m a rock hard, hard chargin; former Marine who smokes like a chimney, drinks like there’s no tomorrow and the way I curse would cause the devil himself to turn a deeper shade of crimson.
I scream like a lunatic at the television set while watching most any sporting event and will drop the son of a bitch who’s sitting next to me should he dare to look at me cross eyed. I belch and fart out loud with a regularity that borders on scary and I’m pretty proud of it. I’ve survived three or four heart attacks (I lost count], a quadruple bypass, two divorces, deaths, births and suicides and you don’t see me cryin’ in my panties about how unfair life is now do ya?
I don’t go to gallery openings and my favorite food is barbecue. I gag at the thought of sushi. I’d rather listen to the sound of hard rock than Broadway show tunes and my wardrobe is mostly monochromatic. I’m one of the few who actually couldn’t give a shit and is willing to pay retail rather than shop around for whatever I need.
I can’t remember the last time I had a “nice glass of wine” or cleaned out my car. I think it’s ok to give a kid a whack on the ass every now and then just to keep them honest. I don’t use “conditioner” or “product” to give my hair that silky sheen or skin creams to keep me soft. I only comb my hair once a day and don’t use after shave or cologne. I bite my nails and go to barber shops, not salons. I’ve never had a full body massage and my bed usually stays unmade for weeks at a time. I drink straight from the carton or bottle and usually don’t need a glass. I don’t use Febreze or even fabric softener.
Here’s my idea of Feng Shui …
My couch has holes in it, my Barcalounger is held together in places by some strategically placed duct tape and there’s dishes piled up in my sink. The kitty litter probably needs to be changed, my grass needs cutting and I don’t deadhead whatever flowers are growing in that patch of dirt I call a garden.
Any more stereotypes I haven’t covered?
Seriously, the title of this node comes from Senator Larry Craig who was recently busted for “lewd behavior” while allegedly trying to engage in “bathroom sex” in an airport in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Apparently the good Senator was playing footsie with the guy in the stall next door while his pants were draped around his ankles. According to the undercover cop, who must have one of the shittiest jobs in the world or really managed to piss off his superiors, Senator Craig also reached his hand under the stall and made contact with him.
The sad thing is, during his long career in the Senate, Mr. Craig has been an ardent opponent of anything that smacks of equality for gays and lesbians. His stance on things affecting the gay community is probably best summed up this way.
Gays in the military?... No way. …
Hate crimes?... No such thing….
Gay marriage? …Not in my lifetime.
Mr. Craig wound up pleading guilty to the charge of disorderly conduct and paid a five hundred dollar fine. Naturally he didn’t go public with the episode until it was brought to light by members of the press. He then claimed he “overreacted and made a poor decision” by entering his guilty plea. He claims it might be a case of entrapment and actually blamed the local newspaper, The Idaho Statesman for conducting a witch hunt and causing him to make such a poor decision.
He recently resigned his Senate seat amid calls from his fellow Republicans to step down in lieu of his unethical behavior. He is presently examining his legal options to have the charges expunged and his name cleared.
Personally, I couldn’t give a shit if he is/was/ or might be gay. My feeling is that it’s none of my damn business although the whole bathroom stall thing makes me a little queasy. From now on, I think I should go before I leave the house.
Look, I’m comfortable in my own skin. It’s just easier for me that way. Most of that shit that I mentioned in the opening paragraphs is true. It doesn’t make me a bad guy or anything and most of you out there who have met me probably see me for what I am.
I wish the same could be said for everybody else.