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"Hey, Mason", said Terence.  "What's the most fucked up way you've ever killed a man?" He tossed two playing cards on the poker table and pulled a couple off of the top of the deck.

"Fuck you, are we playing cards or what?" I replied as I swapped out a single card. 

Jackie also took a single. "I dunno, I heard some fucked up shit about you back when you had a drinking problem."

Snooker Bob folded and crossed his arms, waiting for a good tale.

"Fine, you shits," I said. "Did I ever tell yous guys about the time I killed a man with his own stomach?"

Terence's face blanched. "What the fuck is this shit? How the fuck did you do that?"

I could tell that Snooker Bob had heard this one before from the look of disgust on his face, but like a train wreck, he couldn't look away. "It's just like I said. Yous guys remember John Colby? No-nuts Colby?"

All the heads nodded in unison.

"Well, he had the misfortune to stick his prick into Mickey Two-shoe's daughter on her eighteenth birthday. Mickey hired me to, shall we say, correct the situation, since she was talking about running away with a married 47-year old loser.

"I caught up with him on Disco Demolition Night at the Red Circle Club. You knows, on 18th street opposite the subway?" I waited until they indicated they understood and tossed two fifty dollar chips into the pot. "A hundred."

Terence folded and Jackie called.

"Anyways, I got No-nuts in the bathroom taking a beer shit. I had my big knife out and kicked in the door of the stall. He had no clue what was going on until he felt the knife opening up his guts and they all spilled out over those ugly golf pants he used to wear. He opened his gob to yell and I yanked out his stomach then and there, sliced it open, and slapped it on his fucking face and held it there."

Terence looked like he was about to relive his lunch right there on the poker table. "Jesus! God will punish you for that one. Jeez!"

"I's go to confession every week," I replied with a grin. "I'm always forgiven. Anyway, I held that fat man's stomach on his face until he suffocated and the acid started stinking as it ate his head."

Snooker Bob chuckled. "Now tell them why you did that job for free."

"A week prior I was playing cards and No-nuts beat my aces over kings full house with four fucking deuces."

Jackie tossed his cards into the center of the table. "Fucking hell, I fold! I fold!"

"Is this poetry or crap?" I asked as I shoveled the pile of chips towards me.

This story was built out of the softlink comments below. Iron Noder 2017

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