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Please take some time to fill out this questionnaire:

  • Have you ever been dumped by a girl you would have died for, just when you thought that things were getting serious?
  • Did the love of your life sleep with your best friend, who is a complete jerk who just happens to own a Ferrari and more biceps than a team of wrestlers?
  • Does she constantly remind you that she just broke up with her boyfriend after three years of troubled relationship, so now it's her turn to be childish?

If you answered "yes" to these three questions, or if you just want a good laugh, listen to "Risvolti psicologici nei rapporti tra giovani uomini e giovani donne (Cara ti amo)" by Elio e le Storie Tese. Understanding Italian helps a lot.

The title means "Psychological points of view in the relationships between young men and young women (I love you, darling)".

I am not making this up.

The group, whose name translates as "Elio and the troubled stories", has heard about political correctness. When they stopped laughing about it, they wrote some excellent lyrics simply by putting together all the "thank you, but no, thanks" that an average male is bound to hear from his love interest. They are not bitter or enraged; the tone is matter-of-factedly: it's the universal Murphy's Law of Love at work.

Boy: I do drugs, I curse God, I beat the children and I couldn't care less about you.
Girl: I love you!
Boy: I work 24/7 to pay the bills and I love you.
Girl: I leave you for a junkie who can't hold a job, who curses God and beats the children.

Both sides of the duet are sung by males. Please notice the exquisite attention to rhymes and metric, or better the absolute lack thereof. This is not a translation artifact - the original is even worse. The music is almost non-existant, aside from a piano accompaniment during the refrain.

In case you were wondering, the group and the song are quite famous in Italy. Even if the lyrics were written in 1989, many thirtysomethings still remember them fondly because they ring so true for most of us.

Boy: I'd like to spend the evening with you.
Girl: I need my freedom.
Boy: You can go out with your friends if you want to.
Girl: If you cared about me you'd ask me to stay.

Elio and his buddies tried to break a world record by singing this song over and over (for about twelve hours!) as a stunt to raise money for charity. They didn't even take breaks to eat: while the "boy" was singing his lines, the "girl" would stuff his mouth with spaghetti and vice-versa. Some of the takes sounded rather muffled as a consequence of this.

Boy: (sotto voce) Can we do it up the butt?
Girl: (dismissive) Please, be serious.

Submitted for the E2 Quests: Songs and Lyrics

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