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It's sometimes hard for me to know exactly what I want to say to you.

You seem to have a gift for dropping magical phrases into everyday conversation, while I get stuck with repeating "I love you."

Talking is so difficult.

First I have to find the words that make my feelings solid, and then I have to force them out through my mouth.

It's scary.

I can write how I feel, sometimes, and so you get 3am emails from time to time; huge outpourings of emotion.

They must make confusing reading, first thing in the morning... and I don't get to see your face.

But talking... Talking doesn't come easily.

It's... just not something I ever learned to do.

It's not just the big issues, either. Like love, and jealousy, and desires, wants and needs.

I find it hard to talk about the trivialities of life.

You know, if you read this, you'll probably laugh. But if you stop to consider, it's our online conversations where I tell you all the minutiae of my life.

When you phone me, we have silences.

And when you're here with me... Somehow we don't seem to have time for conversation.

I want to learn to talk.

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