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Wiki today is featuring Attachment Theory. This made me think about my own earliest formative period as I was told by my Mother (Wanda Rose¹) that she went back to work a month after I was born which I presume would mean that my Father (LaVerne) was the initial attachment figure as he generally was a petty hustler in this period and would have been the at home parent during the day. They separated and got back together throughout their relationship as well as in this period but my only firm recollections are that I don't remember much before a time when my mother was living in a boarding house ("Miss Adams House") and by this time she had become the attachment figure, although of course she continued to work so I guess Miss Adams or whoever was the day caregiver. I was trying to think of something that would allow me to firmly date this period, then I remembered that I used to sing, in Miss Adams foyer in particular, to any and all audiences, a song popular at the time, "Dream Lover". So I looked it up on wiki and thus can infer that I was (just) 5 at Miss Adams House.

The thing I find striking is that while I have strong memories of the song and of performing it, I had only the foggiest concept of its authorship until googling it. I also think my performances slurred a number of popular songs and performers of the time, and I think "That'll be the Day" was also one. So the period of transience, before which I have little memory, would have been between 3 and 5 followed by a period of relative stability with both parents under one roof for about 4-5 of course troubled years.



My upbringing may sound disastrous and I suppose in a lot of ways it was but I just took the Attachment Style questionnaire and answering the questions truthfully I came out with a (2.33,2.73) which is:
Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

in the middle of that quadrant, in fact since the cartesian graph has origin at 4,4 for some reason. This is misleading and the survey didn't capture nor take into account the bigger picture. I am comfortable with my emotions but also suffer from "depression". Again if psychological disorder means not being well adjusted to the current society, have that one too.

The article on Attachment disorder indicates that attachment problems after age 3 have little impact. I don't remember anything before 3 but I don't think there were problems then, my parents roles as caregivers were unusual but they were the opposite of abusive (to me) and I really never had a lot of the problems I hear about in other families of insecurity or a lack of intimacy, so that would explain the mixed picture of secure attachment style and no actual attachments.

I guess the whole attachment styles thing is only useful as a factor, seldom if ever in isolation.



¹Known as "Sandy"

Notes from the Surf

Mouse vs Mouse Trap
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Plz9JxsnhH4
Ah fate, thou art cruel.

Weekend life
http://drawingboard.smackjeeves.com/comics/626704/weekend-will-wind/
Makes me wonder where we'll be 10 years from now.

AT-ATs in Kansas
http://wtfispantone.com/post/339417057/my-mom-has-been-sending-me-pictures-of-wintry-fog
Another nail in the coffin of photographic evidence.

Food and Agriculture Organisation Highlights Speculators as Exacerbating Food Prices
http://business.asiaone.com/Business/My%2BMoney/Opinion/Story/A1Story20100106-190014.html
"Speculation in agricultural commodities may not have reached fever pitch yet but with food shortages expected in 2010, it could."

IMF to Haiti: Freeze Public Wages
http://www.thenation.com/blogs/notion/517494
"the IMF is pursuing the same kinds of policies that made Haiti a geography of precariousness even before the quake... the IMF is still using crisis and debt as leverage to compel neoliberal reforms... in 2003, Haiti spent $57.4 million to service its debt, while total foreign assistance for education, health care and other services was a mere $39.21 million. In other words, under a system of putative benevolence, Haiti paid back more than it received."

Head of Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs versus Crazy Conspiracy Theorists
http://www.salon.com/news/opinion/glenn_greenwald/2010/01/15/sunstein/index.html
proposing that the U.S. Government employ teams of covert agents and pseudo-"independent" advocates to "cognitively infiltrate" online groups and websites -- as well as other activist groups -- which advocate views that Sunstein deems "false conspiracy theories" about the Government.  This would be designed to increase citizens' faith in government officials and undermine the credibility of conspiracists.

Proposed Web video restrictions cause outrage in Italy
http://www.thestandard.com/news/2010/01/15/proposed-web-video-restrictions-cause-outrage-italy
"New rules to be introduced by government decree will require people who upload videos onto the Internet to obtain authorization from the Communications Ministry... He said the government was also keen to restrict the uncontrollable circulation of information over the Internet to preserve its monopoly over television news."

India: Reports of Government Forces Attacking Poor and Their Supporters
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Bihar-cops-thrash-Jamia-professor-brand-him-Naxal/articleshow/5379196.cms
"Associate professor at Jamia Millia Islamia, Rahul Ramagundam, was assaulted, abused and branded a Naxalite by Bihar police for daring to ask the cops why the hutments belonging to Musahars... were being demolished." (Journalists and students) "were forcibly prevented from leaving... They were assaulted and their cameras taken away." "The poorest sections of the society who join the police and other armed forces for their livelihood are systematically dehumanized, brutalized and transformed into killing machines and deployed against their own people."

Haiti - a history of intervention, occupation and resistance
http://www.indymedia.ie/article/95531
in 2005, the then MINUSTAH force commander, Lieutenant-General Augusto Heleno Ribeiro Pereira testified at a congressional commission in Brazil that "we are under extreme pressure from the international community to use violence”, mentioning Canada, France, and the United States in particular as the source of that pressure... A July 6th 2005 raid on the Cité Soleil shanty town probably saw at least 20 killed. 75% of the wounded who turned up at one clinic were women and children.

Greece: Employees occupy factory. Farmers block highways. Police murder trial starting.
http://libcom.org/news/tension-start-alexandros-grigoropoulos-assassins-trial-16012010
"After a month of strike the workers of Elite, the country's second biggest shoe producing industry have stepped up their struggle by occupying the company's main factory in Athens."

I took a seat at a round table-bench apparatus in front of Student Activities where the sky was a bright pearlish gray and there was nobody within my three-meter radius (except for a passerby or two). No one would bother me here for sure, cackle, cackle. I cracked open my Nuts&Foods book, FOCUSED MAH BRAIN on the text, and colored a few sentence fragments a transparent bright orange. Yes, I am in college and I still use a textbook as a coloring book just like in the kidney-garden.

From the corner of my eye several paces away from where I sat, I spotted a gorgeous exotic gal who stopped in her tracks to take a look me. She stood motionless (obviously stunned by my utterly magnificent beauty and charm) and eyed me curiously. I swear, man, everything was going in slow motion and there was some opera music playing in the background. She maneuvered her slim and shapely torso towards me as something in my pants began to harden and rise like overcooked muffins… It was very strange. I averted my gaze/glance back to my books, and attempted to FOCUS MAH BRAIN again. My heart pounded with annoyance in my chest, shouting at me, “YOU COULDA GOT ME SOME BOOTY! WHY DIDN’T YOU APPROACH HER AND LET YOUR INNER FELINE OUT?! MY GOD, FOR ALL THESE YEARS THAT I HAVE KEPT YOU ALIVE, THIS IS ALL THAT YOU GIVE TO ME?! I SOOO, LIKE, WANT TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW.I nearly died of a heart attack until she sat in front of me at the round bench and i wanted to bend her over it and__________insert dirty verbs here___________.

“Alright, baby, there ya go. Now, go get me some much-deserved booty-time.” said my heart as it halted the growth of my new aneurysm. Then, my adrenal medulla began to squirt epinephrine into my kidneys who put it into to my bloodstream. My heart didn’t help matters at all, as it began to hammer on my sternum harder and faster upon receipt of that drug, spreading it all over the place and makin’ me all jittery. DAMN YOU, ADRENAL GLANDS. (We have a love-hate relationship with each other. This is just one of our special moments.)
I vaguely remember wondering why my heart was the one that vocally expressed its desire for this chick and some “action”, as it is surely the wrong organ for this sort of business.
But I digress.

The gal and I exchanged some nervous hellos. She asked if she may take a picture of me. Confused that she asked (most people just take pictures of me without even asking), she explained that she was a photography major with a mission: she needed to take individual portraits of 100 people. She asked if I would like to be one of them. I thought for a moment, calculating what my chances were in having my way with her on the table and said, “sure.”

My Asian Harlem Mona Lisa whipped out her huge camera and stood an arm’s distance away from my face. Snap, click went the camera four times. She showed me the picture and asked if I did not like it. I, as always, ADORED the pixellated image of my person in her camera and told her so. She begged for more and I gave her more– in a different position. “Ooh, I like that,” she said breathily behind her camera lens. I gave her my email address so that she could send me my model-perfect pics so that I may frame and hang them for all the world to see. We made a little pillow-talk and her parting words were basically, “You are a kind person, thank you so much. Bye-bye!”

This is my twist on today's events. I hope you believe me.

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