January 6, 2004

The day the catbox died.

"16:15: LaylaLeigh: yes my old one was never there...she was taking up space other peopoe could have"
and then nothing....

I noted there were about a dozen gods logged on, wondered if they were havin a meeting.
Got the munchies a few times, still nothing in the box. Odd.

Then I finally noticed: We're aware that you cannot /msg each other. Call your mom. She's been waiting to hear from you."

And now: "We're aware that there are slight problems with /msg, chatterbox, homenode images, and a whole f**load of other stuff, and as usual we're serenely confident that someone will work out how to fix them very soon."

---

Still it goes on: Note to E2 users and Editors

She wrote a story that told about suicide and anger that she felt toward everyone, mostly toward herself. It wasn’t a fiction story. I know that there is somthing that I can do, some way to talk her out of it. She told me not to worry about her and that she’d never do it because she usually just puts it off “ until tomorrow.” She said she cut her wrist because she hates herself. Her left wrist will forever be scarred from the first cut right below her watch. I hate to tell her things that everyone would say if they knew, “You’re worth more,” “You’re not ugly, you’re beautiful.” Talking about what the bible says will only be wasting my breath because she’s not religious, and I don’t feel that it is my place to bring religion into her life. She’s also upset with her parents, who are divorced. Her father is married to another woman. She’s always being sent on guilt trips whenever she visits her mother. “Come and live with me,” “You know, a girl should be with her mother,” she’d say. I don’t know about everything that she’s going through, but I know what being pulled by two parents like a tug-of-war rope feels like. I guess that it also doesn’t help that the girl she likes only wants to be friends with benefits. I told her that the “High School Life” is not the last, there’s college and the work force too. I just feel that since she’s my friend I have to do something, but what?

I haven't written anything in a while...I guess there might be a reason for that, although I'm not sure what it might be. I swear, everytime I get high on life, it always comes crashing down, and I end up being lower than before. For example, early last semester, life was great, football was good and so was school, but then I got slapped with a lawsuit (September 28, 2003). I went from cloud 9 to 6 foot under.

Recently, I met this beautiful girl and we started going out. It only lasted about 2 weeks. I called her over winter break and she said that we don't have a lot in common...blah blah blah. She said I treated her really good and everything, but just wanted to be friends. Fuck that. I just don't get it. Now granted I don't have a whole lot of experience with relationships, but I thought things were going really good. I really just won't be able to see her with another guy or anything.

I called her the same day that we were having a family christmas at the house. I had already had a few beers in me, and ended up finishing off a case. A few friends came over for a while and I went out with them and ended up puking. I can't believe I got that drunk in front of my entire family. It was rather embarassing, both for me and my parents. Again, I go from cloud 9 to 6 foot under.

I think all too often people come on here and complain about their relationship troubles and how they can't get a date or a girlfriend, and now I'm doing it. I guess I'm just too much of a nice guy. One day I hope to find a girl that likes a nice guy. Until then I'll be just like all the other geeks on E2 (no offense)...alone

How's that for a pick-me-up?

I haven't written in a while. I haven't had anything note-worthy to say. And I have learned anything in the few months that I have been a member of this website, what you write had better be either note-worthy, strange or from some other planet or else no one will like it and you will get 20 downvotes b/c everyone hates what you wrote.

I'm not going to lie. I haven't been proud of everything that I have posted here but the things that I thought weren't absolute shit were bludgeoned to shit by downvotes. Thanks.

Am I not weird enough? Am I not perverted enough? Do I not have enough life experience? Is it because I live in America? What is it E2? Why do you hate me?

I guess it's different strokes for different folks huh? I read some of the entries on this here website and I think a lot of it is crap, or pointless, or too weird for a simple girl like me to understand.

I'm not complaining. I just need to know, what do I have to do to make you love me?

Let the downvoting begin.