Lately my plan to try and get more sleep has been working pretty well. I don't know what time I went to bed last night, but I was very tired. When I first woke up this morning, I contemplated starting my day, then decided to see if I could get more sleep. I did and woke up to my friend calling me. I'm still tired, I'm still thinking about things, but I've made some progress too. The bunk beds are still gone and this feels like the most successful acccomplishment of 2018 thus far. Last night I decided to hire a professional to write my resume since I believe that will help me land my dream job. When neither of the cards I tried went through, I sent a message to the administrator of the site, and someone called me back almost right away. Thankfully I was able to negotiate a ten percent discount since I asked if they were running any specials or had a promo code available. Never hurts to ask, right?
Yesterday was pretty rough. To change my life I have to be willing to put forth the effort. This is hard because I already feel constantly drained, but I know that I can do this. I'm still having trouble with one of the women that I work with, this is nothing new, she's in it for herself and that's hard to deal with for me, and others too. Monday she took all of the leads, that really made me very angry. Yesterday I didn't say anything when she greeted me. I was so mad at her that I couldn't respond, she greeted me again and that time I did say 'hi', but it was a brief comment and I think she got the message that I was upset. I hate being passively aggressive like that, before I went in I was ready to call her out and tell her to treat me better or I was going to walk, my friend talked me out of doing anything rash, and I guess that's why people like her are my real friends.
Thankfully yesterday went better after I arrived, and I was actually even sort of busy which is a rarity. For the time being I have this job and it is nice to be able to work part time. I think I'm going to talk to my boss about my hours because if I'm doing this woman a favor by working later in the day, and doing that screws me out of sales opportunities, then I see no reason for me to work hours I would rather not to please and accomodate her. I can tell that this is the wrong job for me because even when it's going well I don't like it, but I'm trying to take the longer view and maybe this sounds bad, but I'm really trying hard to get my life together so when the job I want materializes, I am ready to go. Lately my throat has been really sore when I wake up, I was eating a lot of junk for a while and spending more money than I should, am now trying to get back on track again which is no easy feat, but important if I want to go forward rather than regress.
I haven't gone on any dates recently. I talked to one guy who was super interesting, then he unmatched after learning that I had children (at least I think that was the reason why since the conversation stopped after I mentioned my youngest daughter's upcoming birthday). The good thing is I have a much better idea of the type of person I am looking for, but it still hurts. Being on dating sites really allows you to see patterns in people, I feel like I'm getting better at identifying who is likely to mesh with what I want, and who to avoid. For once I feel as if things are slightly better at home. After a very long conversation with my aunt I decided to talk to the girls when we have our next family meeting. We will also be discussing sex, I'm still listening to The Secrets Of Happy Families, some of these audiobooks seem neverending, but I'm getting some practical advice and at least trying to do the things they recommend.
Since we are more than halfway through it, I am dubbing 2018 the year of dates and jobs since I have had more of both than at any other time in my life. In a strange way they go together. As you become more confident in one area of your life, that spreads to others. I no longer have much fear of going out with anyone, or interviewing for any job. I've learned to relax, be myself, weed out what is unlikely to work, and walk away from anyone and anything that is taking me down a path that no longer serves me with the exception of my current job, and I'm working on that. I have a great life. I've worked hard to get to where I am at today, and I'm taking a moment to reflect on how far I have come since the year started.
Today I learned that a friend of mine who had cancer passed late last night. I feel like I could have done more to support her and feel bad that I didn't know death was close until it was too late.
J
P.S. Work was awful today. In better news I'm home and eating a salad. Healthy habits are going to help me get where I want to go.
j