Junk mail saved my life

Junk mail saved my life

Junk mail saved my life
Junk mail saved my life

Oh sorry... I only meant to say that twice... Forget the third time. Where was I...?

Junk mail saved my life

If I didn't receive any junk mail in my daily mail, I wouldn't be alive today to talk about it.

See, it happened two nights ago. I was alone at home (I'm no good with relationships. Men say I'm difficult and that I have emotional problems, but that's a different node altogether.)

Anyway, I'm at home, drying the dish. Who needs more than one dish when you live alone? You know, just me and my emotional problems. So, I finish drying the dish, so I open up the cupboard and put the dish away. I also lean over to empty the sink. I raised back up too quickly and hit my head on the edge of the cupboard door... hard. Blinded by pain, I stumble backwards into my glass cabinet full of glass dolls...

So, I collect glass dolls... Isn't a guy allowed to have a hobby?

Ok, I try to stumble my way towards the bathroom, only I trip over the blue recycling box... which is really weird because I don't recycle...

So my head lands on a big pile of junk mail lying on the floor next to the front door. Then I passed out. Doctors later told me that if the junk mail wasn't there to stop the bleeding, I wouldn't be alive today.

So, after 30 minutes or so, no one stopped by or even called. Heh, why should they... after all, I have emotional problems. So I lift myself up to my elbows, crawl to the telephone, and I dial for help. Now, due to my head injury, I couldn't remember that easy to remember emergency number.

So, I pull a large piece of junk mail that's stuck to my bleeding head and dial that number. Lucky for me, that was a number I've called several times before, and they had my name and address in the computer. Unlucky for me, they thought I was ordering a pizza and showed up 45 minutes to an hour later (I got the pizza for free, but that's a different node altogether.)

The pizza guy made a few more deliveries, then drove me straight to the hospital. And that's how...

Junk mail saved my life

So, if I were you, I'd think twice about throwing away your junk mail everyday. You just might regret it.

Oh, and for all you single men out there, I'm currently seeing a psychologist about my... emotional problems.

Based on a skit performed by The Kids In The Hall... I LOVE YOU, BRUCE!