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Kill Haole Day is an annual ritual in Hawaiian public schools in which any haoles, or Caucasians, that dare to come to school are beat up by non-haole locals.

Traditionally, this day is observed on the last day of classes. Consequently, many haoles call in sick lest they get their alaalas (testicles) pulverized during Physical Education by Waianae's angriest Samoans or get chased home after school by raging packs of mokes and blalas (unsavory types). Public school administrators claim that the traditional beat downs given out on the last day of classes have subsided in recent years, but that could be window dressing as teachers have been known to literally walk away from racial violence.

Not to make light of this barbaric tradition, I have always wondered why Kill Haole Day is not observed on 14 February, the anniversary of Captain James Cook of the British Royal Navy being killed by Hawaiians at Kealakekua Bay. That was the first Kill Haole Day so choosing to terrorize pale peers on that day would seem to make more sense. At least to one who was even slightly historically informed. But then again, racial violence is driven and sustained by such ignorance.

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