La Blue Girl is a series of anime porn (hentai), produced by Central Park Media and Anime 18. It follows the exploits of one Miko Mido, an 18 year old student and the misadventures her bizarre family heritage entails.

From the box:

"It began centuries ago, when a ninja clan made a deal with the forces of the underworld which led to centuries of struggle between rival clans. And now, after more than 600 years of peace, the denizens of the underworld are about to get a new boss.

Miko Mido, a ninja-in-training, is suddenly entrusted with the family business: making sure the sex-starved Shikima stay out of humanity's way. Miko Mido has to fight back with every bit of battle skill and sexual sorcery she can muster!"

As it begins, Miko is the descendant of the most powerful clan of female ninjas. After her grandmother dies, she is left with the heavy task of keeping the clan's status in check, while at the same time keeping the Shikima away from humans. Miko has to engage in sexual duels not only with the Shikima, but with the rival ninja clans as well.

She studies ninja SexCraft (don't ask - it just works out that way) and adopts a diminuitive perverted ninja sidekick by the name of Nin-Nin (who wants nothing better to practice his sex magic whenever he gets the opportunity). Little does she know that she is to inherit the troubles that will come upon discovering that she is the product of a human mother and a Shikima. And not just any Shikima.. but Lord Sekimus, Ruler of the Shikima World.

The Shikima World is a dimension inhabited by horny monsters who are so obviously created for the purposes of copulation and other forms of carnal defilement that their need to feed on the lust and desires of humans is prevalent in their physical appearance. The typical Shikima form is comprised of many (and quite) pronounced phallic appendages, quite often manifested as long and reaching tentacles. The king himself, though sporting no such auxiliary appendages, is endowed with such a member that it rivals the size of a small preadolescent child when erect. Queen Maria, not only Miko's mother but a human versed in the art of sex magic (or SexCraft), is one of a rare few who can take him into her vessel (which is the main reason why she is his queen).

Now mind you, the plot is pretty ridiculous to begin with (but there is one, shockingly enough) and the storylines are pretty straightforward. The realization that the Japanese have more than a bizarre fanatical preoccupation with tentacular rape becomes more than apparent after a few scenes (if you've seen other hentai, you'll no doubt already know this). However, if you should ever watch this, watch it for the humor. Not only is it meant to be erotic (in the hentai sense, of course) but it's pretty damn funny. Above all, watch it for the English translations. Fucking hilarious! These were probably not meant to be this funny, being the result of language and cultural barriers being crossed in the transliteration but you get such wonderfully dubbed quotes like:

  • "Did I forget to wear my panties again?"
  • "Miko Mido, born of the strange destiny of fighting off her enemies with sex.."
  • "..a half-demon ninja sex warrior.."
  • *Whine*
    "Missions are hard.. and I have to do all this sex!"
  • Said by a wisened, elderly lady:
    "Hmmm.. It looks like someone used a ninja potion and reprogrammed her snatch!"
  • "Fools! Now do you understand? He has passed through my labia and into the realm of carnal defilement that is a part of me!"
  • "She drips and drips with passion and yet she continues to babble on about her story!"
  • "Oh, I see you've trained your vessel well!"
  • Said by Nin-Nin, standing underneath a naked girl and looking up:
    "I can see all the way in!"
  • "If you want to revert to your human form, just exhale from below."

This is also the tackiest niteclub you are ever going to come upon in the world. It's in Val Claret, Tignes in the heart of the French Alps. It's ski bums tack-disco paradise, with songs played that were in the British charts the year previous as well as lots of really good French hiphop.

It's quite small and cavarnous inside, and everything glows since there are UV bulbs everywhere.

Frequented by scuzzy old pervy Tignards (men of the local area) as well as absolute babes of ski-bums, a girl cannot go there without hearing a tack come-on, or ten. But if you're not picky about who you snog/shag it's certainly the place to go.

Having said that, it is the best craic ever if you're just looking for craic!! I thoroughly enjoyed myself every night I was there - especially given that it's the only niteclub open in Tignes in the Summer ski season.

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