10323: Object appears to be a United States quarter minted in the year 2035. While the reverse side of the quarter retains the familiar eagle and olive branch motif, the man profiled on the front of the quarter has yet to be identified. Secured in locker A-75.

40567: A grainy black and white photograph of the earth, taken from atop the moon. Part of the lunar surface can be clearly seen and a crescent shaped sliver of the earth appears in the background. The photograph was developed on a polished silver plate using an emulsion process from the 19th century. Transferred to Temporal Paradox Research Unit C.

23402: An outfit consisting of black horn-rimmed glasses and a red and white striped sweater. The glasses have no identifiable markings, but the sweater contains a discreet white tag with the letter “W”. When worn separately the garments behave normally; when worn together the wearer is rendered partially invisible. Incinerated.

78689: A Portastudio 424 four-track home audio recorder. The audio recorder itself is unremarkable, but it contains an unmarked red cassette tape. When played in any stereo, the tape consists of an audio loop of the last ten minutes of your life. It will repeat indefinitely and does not need to be flipped. Kept in acoustic isolation chamber 345.

90097: The object appears to be a modern semi-automatic handgun, built out of solid black polymer. No maker or date of manufacture is apparent. The gun cannot be disassembled, stripped or reloaded and the safety does not work. Tests have revealed that the inside of the firearm is organic and alive. Upon pulling the trigger, the gun emits a high pitched shrieking sound and fires human-like teeth. Extensive testing has shown that the firearm has an indefinite ammunition capacity. Secured in weapons locker 567.

17659: A parcel, approximately 2x3 feet in size, wrapped in butcher paper and tied shut with twine. The parcel is addressed to an “M. G. Fouke”, though no return information is given. The parcel appears to contain the bloodied hide of a large, furry, bipedal creature that has yet to be identified. Declassified; sold to private collector for $400.

56781: A large black leather wallet. The wallet contains $13.67 and a large number of business cards. All businesses referenced have unremarkable, innocuous names: “Standard Septic”, “Southern Power”, “National Supply Co”. Upon closer inspection, all businesses appear to be located in “Tasan, NM” and have phone numbers containing the digits “666”. Secured in thermal regulation chamber 9. (NOTE: Keep away from object 49237)

00002: A large manila folder. The folder is dated 1943, and is marked top secret. The folder contains 107 pages of correspondence between Stalin and Hitler. While a handful of the pages appear to be written in code, the vast majority contain cordial letters and recipes for cookies. When baked the cookies taste delicious. Transferred to Spectacular Baking Unit B for further study.

67845: Object appears to be a large, sharp fountain pen and an inkwell filled with a dark black ink. The ink is of unknown composition. 27 broken swords were found alongside the pen, each with traces of dark black ink on their blades. Kept in office A-4534-V. (Dr. J. Hancock)

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