When I was
younger, I went through a prolonged crisis of faith. I had been raised a
methodist, by no means devout, but it was still something that had always been a part of my life. During my
darker times I turned to this, I prayed and believed that there was a higher purpose and in the end it was not all just a
meaningless exercise in existence. When I moved out on my own it all began to fade and I found myself stuck in a deep
depression, mercilessly short but painful nonetheless. I found myself feeling empty and searching for answers, looking
everywhere I could to find some meaning. In time I grew to realize that the answers I was seeking could only be found within.
Since I was young I've often
noticed that some people don't seem
real. Perhaps that's not the right way to phrase it, but it is the closest I can come to an
explanation. For a long time I
could not figure out why I got this feeling, what it was that was
different about these people. This wasn't something I constantly experienced, in fact it was more of a rarity though not due to a lack of such people in my life. Over time I came to realize that I only felt this way when I was paying
attention, focused on the world around me rather than the world
inside me.
Walking down the street after work, I pass many
office dwellers. They are carrying their
briefcases, wearing their ironed shirts and ties, talking on their cell phone, busy
minding their own business. I like to look at them as they go by. There are many ways you can look at someone, and I do notice things like the
color of their shirts, their hairstyle, and of course the shoes that women wear (what can I say, I like shoes). But I also take a moment to look
deeper. To do so requires you to look
directly into another's
eyes and open yourself. It is something that I cannot explain how to do, and
sometimes I can't quite get it right, but I have found that if you can be truly
open and look deeply into another person's eyes, you will experience something quite
amazing.
Most of the time other people are not
open to such an
experience, they typically walk with their eyes cast
downward or looking anywhere else to
avoid having to make eye contact. On those instances when I can make direct eye contact with them, I open myself and give a gentle smile. Not always, sometimes I get too absorbed in my own world to do it, but lately I've been making more of an effort to do this. When I
succeed, in that instant a
connection is formed. It's not a connection based on needs or desires, it's not a moment of flirting or trying to get attention, it is a moment of truly connecting with another human being.
Often times when I do this, the other person immediately becomes
uncomfortable. They will quickly glance away and do anything to avoid any further
contact with me. Yet during that instant, we still connected and I find that I am immediately aware of what it is they are experiencing. Perhaps this is what they call
empathy, I don't know, but I do know that when I am truly
open and can connect like this with a
complete stranger, I can tell you exactly what they are
feeling without having to say a single word to them.
Sometimes, however, the experience is far more
beautiful. When I make this connection, in rare cases the other individual is also
seeking to make the same connection. When I open myself and look into their eyes, with calmness and compassion, they look back and open themselves. Typically we both
smile at each other, a small peaceful smile. When this happens I still feel what it is the other individual is experiencing, however in this case the feeling is quite different. It's a feeling of
love, a feeling that we are on the same journey and open to whatever may come. At the same time, a piece of
me is reflected back and I see myself in the other persons eyes.
When you are walking down the street, paying for your groceries, getting your haircut or any other
mundane activity, try it out and see what happens. You will probably find it much easier to make such a connection with a random stranger than with someone you are
close to. I've thought a lot about why this is and I think it is due to the fact that we have vested so much in our personal relationships that we feel there is too much to lose to truly open ourselves to those people. We feel that by opening ourselves to those we love, we create the possibility to be
hurt by those people. Yet experiencing this small connection with complete strangers always reminds me that such a connection is possible in any relationship, and that regardless of what other people in our lives do we are still not alone. It reminds me to
realize my connection with the infinite.