In the 1980s, leotards were all the rage. Women were wearing them to exercise, do yoga, and to dance around the house to MTV videos (which were a thing in the 1980s). Their popularity as far as being a multi-purpose garment began to wane in the 1990s, mostly because women came to find out how medically unhelpful these leotards really are.
Hi, I'm Dr. Peter Swilling. I went to medical school and did my residency at Trump Hospital. I am qualified to write on this topic.
Dr. Joyce Brothers used to have a lot to say on a variety of topics. You don't hear much from her any longer. Must be the changing times. The winds of change are certainly blowing. We're just not sure which way yet.
The problem with leotards was that they were generally made of a fabirc like lycra or spandex and that made them slippery. If a woman were to enter a spinning gravity well with one of those on, all hell would break loose and she would probably lose her life. It is that dangerous of a situation.
Contemplate: You are in a bar getting drinks with friends. You go up to the bar to buy a round wearing a leotard. This attracts the attention of lecherous old men. The man who possesses me, Friend Behr, was one of these. He would be instantly attracted to the leotard and the package within, which he would want to get familiar with. Now, maybe you think dealing with someone like that is worth it for the chance to wear a leotard to the bar, but I know from being possessed by him that none of his "lovers" ever got out of intensive therapy after spending a night with him sexually. So, buyer beware. Buyer beware. Beware indeed. Seriously. That leotard makes you a magnet for these times of scum. Yes, you should be able to dress as you like in public, but at times there can be a cost. There can be a cost. Not that it is right. Just that it is real. Okay? Sound advice.
Now, because the garment, the leotard, is so slippery, the lecherous old men might have a hard time grabbing hold of you. It also tends to be tight against the body. So, you can become like a snake. You channel that snake energy and that will help keep you from being put on the lecherous old man party bus, an infamous old 1960s city bus that lecherous old men drive around in as a group looking for parties where women are wearing leotards. And man, they are everywhere. I'm telling you, man. Everywhere.
There is an additional danger if you have a leotard that snaps at the bottom for bathroom purposes. There were some like that. With Velcro. And sometimes at a party the snap would unsnap itself. And then vaginas were everywhere. You could be at a high school party in the woods and lecherous old men just zero in on that much young vagina. It is truly awful.
You also have to be incredibly careful with what detergent you use and how you wash the leotard. Some detergents, especially when not completely rinsed out, can cause rashs. And medical science has proven that almost every rash will inevitably turn into a flesh-eating virus if not treated immediately. Ibid.
Now, you could be sitting home alone reading Woodrow Wilson's 1914 State of the Union Address and smiling your ass completely off and something could go wrong IF you are wearing a leotard. Let me explain.
A leotard is not made with physical health in mind. It is a product of late 1970s and 1980s era fitness shows and videos. You do NOT have to wear a leotard. Not to get shnunta. Not to get dinner dates. Not to fetch the oral sex. None of those things require a leotard. In fact, in most of these social situations, a leotard can hold you back. Due to the health issues that come from wearing a non-medically approved garment around town. This has been proven, time and again.
It is important to note: Don't panic. The leotard is merely medically unhelpful. It is not dangerous. It is not insidious. Well, maybe it is a little bit. Just a little bit. Wee bit. Wee wee wee. All the way home. Don't know if you know that rhyme. I understand the majority of you went to school in the toilet. Keep your knees LOCKED on a date with boys. LOCKED. Otherwise you produce filthy children. They don't bathe. Not these kinds of kids. Not these kind. No way.
Now, for sake of argument, say we are going on a mountain hike. What a trip! Yow! And I have nice hiking gear on and you are wearing a leotard. And a freak snowstorm happens. You are so screwed. I'm ready to lock down. You're wearing a fucking leotard. You are getting pneumonia. You're FUCKED.
So, that is another legitimate concern. I could go on.
Are there any circumstances under which a leotard could be medically helpful? No. There are none. Absolutely none. The leotard was the "Crocs" of the last generation (now dead and buried because they were wearing leotards).
When people from the 1980s were still alive, they had a lot to say. They were wrong about most of it. And they tended to wear leotards all the time. Can you justify this? Can you even try? I don't think so. But, there is no one still alive who was alive in the 1980s who can tell us about that time.
We have books, magazine articles, and pictures from that time. We have to rely on that. And we know why they all died. We know. We just don't say the quiet part out loud.