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It was a pretty good day on Monday at the Greater Baltimore Public School System where I am employed as an unqualified remedial science teacher and sometimes as a substantially less unqualified substitute gym teacher. A meeting was held and hosted by the school where teachers and students were forced to sit down and reach a point of understanding about the bad roads our country is going down.

Also, a person named riverrun has asked me to tell you more about the lesbians I work with at Civil War Action Figures, Ltd. I will tell you that I have written plenty on the subject and no one cares about lesbians. Once I have qualified through the rigorous everything2 selection process for picture on homenode rights then I will post nice photo of myself with said office lesbians. Thank you.

The school administration last night decided to bring the student body and parents of those same students who make up the student body into assembly hall. There they were talked to about recent elections and then shown something that caused gasps of absolute shame rise up from the crowd. First, the top administrator at the school brought a middle-aged woman to the pulpit. He explained that she was stern but fair, strong but kind, qualified and experienced in teaching English. She received a round of applause and a lot of muttering from students with things said such as, "Yes, stern but fair" and "Tough but is careful to make sure we learn." I beamed with pride. Then it was explained that this woman was hired during the Republican controlled congress. A hush fell over the crowd.

And then Reynold Steppins was brought to the pulpit. He was just hired, the result of a Democratic congress without any doubt. He was confused, had not showered in two to three days, and after being introduced he dropped his pants and invited students to "sample my weiner." It was appalling, and almost universally across the auditorium the gathering people all began to cry tears of regret over their unfortunately voting actions. A true point was made and hopefully things will change soon. We have suffered for too long under this Democratic congress and the longer we suffer, the longer the next election seems to be as in far away in the calculation of years. It will be tough, but we will get through, even with no one to protect us from terrorists and unqualified perverts teaching our young.

On advice from a friend, I purchased a vibrator over the weekend. This friend, who is more of a casual acquaintance and whose middle name I do not know, mentioned to me that women of the modern era are impressed with direct action and the showing of wares in public places, not meaning personal wares of a grown since birth nature, but by putting on the table items such as dildoes, vibrators and electrified butterflies that one attaches to the vagina to continue stimulation while you go to get another drink or "drain the lizard" as the internet kiddies like to say in their computer speak these days. I was enthusiastic about this information as I was in the dark about it and have had trouble dating lately.

Last night after the exciting school meeting, I went out for a drink, skulking about in the bushes and listening in on some conversation being had by single mothers. Once I determined they were going out to a certain local bar for drinks, I went to my car and followed them there, keeping no more than three inches between my front bumper and the rear bumper of their car (I just got the Pontiac back finally although it is painted red now and has different tires and a different year of manufacture). When they pulled in, I bumped them lightly with my bumper, then got out and said in a legitimate sounding surprised voice, "Fancy meeting you here." They rushed away, apparently eager for cocktails, so I followed and made sure to take a seat at their table.

Before drinks arrived but only after they were ordered I placed the vibrator on the bar, said "I have this," and smiled at my new companions the desperate single mothers. Slowly they all got up and moved away so I drove back to my home and waited for them, then cursed myself because I had forgotten to give them my address and telephone number.

Dating takes practice. I'll make another go at it this weekend.

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