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Your friend Behr (who is me) is close to recovering an ancient artifact long thought to be lost.

Quite a development, wouldn't you say, friend?

In 1982, when my remorseless wife took me to the cleaners by way of her Slick Willie type lawyer, I came over to discuss how I could begin making payments on the house she was going to live in with a real estate investor guy and if I was still required to buy her Christmas presents. What I found instead was my ex-wife standing at the top of the stairs holding up the mullet headpiece I worn in the 1960s in Berlin (the side of the wall you weren't last thinking about the last time you thought about the Berlin Wall). She was screaming in a shrill voice, "I cannot stand THIS!" while holding it up. Then she threw it in a fifty gallon drum she had somehow dragged into the house and up a flight of stairs and threw in a match and the whole thing went up in a fireball.

I assumed it was lost, but this morning I received a call from a confidential informant. He told me that the headpiece had been seen in a vintage shop over in the hippie section of town. I was displeased to say the least, but happy that I would be seeing my headpiece again. I really thought it had been lost in that oil drum fire.

My wife had a great rack and guests would sit at the dining room table and feel them over and under her shirt while she smiled and repeatedly said, "This is permissable." I didn't know what that meant, so I would nod while eating my green beans and say, "Yes, it is permissable." I'm still not sure what I committed to, but it did come up in court.

Regardless, this is a fine mullet headpiece and I wanted to scurry down to the store like a fucking five year old and have me a look at it. If it was indeed my headpiece, I planned to beat the living shit out of the store owner with a tire iron and end his liberalism.

Alas, it was not my headpiece but I bought it regardless. I am currently wearing it on my head while typing on my laptop outside of a Walgreens where I am waiting for sick and old people to come out with bags from the pharmacy so I can utilze my tire iron in ways that will benefit society and individuals particularly. It could be a long night if I am to meet my sales goals for the night. I have a lot of customers looking for certain medications and it is a crap shoot out here with some of the yawning type orders some of these sick and old folks use their share of the government dole on. 

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