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I acquired another patient yesterday.

I stopped by the hospital to get coffee in the am. Left my purse in the car. Coffee was free for providers the whole nine years that I was an employee, but no longer. They know me though, so she let me wander off with my coffee and bring the money back. I did, and paid for the next two non-provider coffees in line.

I wandered in to the Orthopedics office, because the doctors have turned over and I haven't met the new ones yet. It is nice to shake hands. I talked to the receptionist and she asked if I am taking new patients. I explained that I've been out since early June, but we are working furiously on the paper work for the physician assistant. The physician assistant has lived here since 1984, and it's a town of 9000, so the receptionist knows her. Not only that, but mine is the only primary care office in town that is not part of the hospital and takes insurance. She described a hipaa violation involving an emergency room doctor and her daughter and she doesn't want her medical information on the hospital's massive electronic medical record. Our 25 bed hospital hooked up with Swedish in Seattle, which was then eaten by Providence, so now we are vaguely Catholic, I guess. Our hospital is the only one in our county, so it does not leave a lot of choices.

Anyhow, the receptionist is going to get on our wait list. She was pleased that my electronic medical record is separate and that I just give people a copy of their note at each visit. The hospital EMR epic now has a "patient portal" to satisfy "meaningful use" but it frankly sucks. It lets people see the past medical history, allergies, family history, but you cannot view the doctor's "history of present illness" or "assessment and plan". To get your hands on what the physician really said, you have to sign a consent and demand your note. I think this is stupid, obfuscating and rather dishonest, but it's a big corporation. Big corporations are generally stupid eventually as they get mired down in their own rules.

As soon as the state approves our physician assistant supervision plan, we send it to my malpractice and the malpractice of the kind doctor (he is NOT part of the corporation) and once that's cleared, she can start. We have 230 cancelled visits to catch up and a wait list of 30 new patients. No, maybe 31.

I did get to shake hands with the orthopedist. I also talked to the physician assistant there for a bit. Told him I'm done with lung testing and on to muscle testing. Labs for myasthenia gravis, ugh, I read about it yesterday and electromyography, aka an emg, next week. All the patients that I've sent for emgs complain that it hurts to have needles stuck in your muscles, so something to look forward to.

Last night I went to an event that was hosted by a client of my husband's. I arrived there before he did and stood around talking to people I didn't know until he arrived. There was a variety of snacks set out and people circulating with different appetizers that looked amazing. We had a chance to speak with two of the chefs who were responsible for the eats and drinks that night and I learned a lot from a guy named Geno who used to work for the owner of the company, but now has his own catering business that allows him to spend the majority of his time at home with his three children.

I stayed longer than I should have, but I don't regret it from an emotional standpoint as it was good for me to get out and mingle with new people. Tonight I'm meeting some baseball aquaintances in Madison, our family is hoping to make a day of it, and I don't want to stay too long, but I think we'll have a good time chatting about the off season and getting to know each other on a level that Twitter doesn't typically allow. Today my youngest daughter told me that she misses me and I used to be fun which made me very sad.

I gave her a hug and asked her to tell me more about why she missed me and how much fun I used to be. She said that I ignore her and when I asked for more information about that she said that I'm always too busy to spend time with her. She has a valid point and I apologized for my behavior. I also pointed out that just yesterday I had taken her to the store and bought some treats that were just for her as they were things her sister couldn't have, but the bottom line is that if she feels ignored, then she has a right to feel that way.

Another part of the problem is sometimes when she wants attention is not when I have it, and other times when I'm asking her to spend time with me she's off in her room or otherwise involved or ignoring me. We had a chat this morning about food. She misses eggs and sandwiches and is frustated and upset because she can eat things that her sister and I can't so she thinks that we should have these foods in our house. Last night there was an industrial wood stove and a rotisserie oven going so my throat is very dry this morning.

I'm so tired today. A lot of the time I feel like I don't breathe well. We bought some books, one is called Ancient Wisdom, Modern Kitchen, I'm excited about that, but beneath that veneer of enthusiasm I am tired at the cellular level. Last night I ate a small bowl of curried butternut squash soup with pumpkin seeds and coconut cream. It was the kind of food that I can never find in restaurants and that makes me sad. Tonight I'm going to go out with friends and not find much on the menu that I can have which is fine, but very tiring.

I don't know what the answers are anymore. Do we just stay home? Bring our own food? Say the hell with it and eat what we want when we're out and come home to get sick here? We started the dishes that I had asked the girls to do last night. They made this boxed noodle dish that I had asked them not to and scorched it onto the bottom of the pan. We bought a five pound package of ground beef that my daughter wants me to make, and I told her I would as soon as the kitchen was clean.

Right now I'm so tired I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open. I no longer care about a clean house or the next meal or anything other than my nice warm bed. I overdid it yesterday and I didn't really do much according to what most people do in a typical day. I feel like I care about less and less, my focuses are getting narrower, as if I'm slowly becoming unable to see past this bubble of my house and really the only rooms I go into regularly are the kitchen, my bedroom, the living room, and the bathroom.

I'm too tired to care about the angst of my youngest or the problems my oldest faces as a young woman with food allergies who will want to go out on dates and kiss others and I almost laughed when someone told me that we must eat very clean meals at home. Things aren't bad, but they aren't good either. I should not be feeling like this, but I do. It's physical fatigue, emotional exhaustion, psychological stress, and I'm working slowly towards tiny steps that I'm hoping will lead more forward.

Lots more on my mind, but I need a nap.

Take care,

Jess 

Today my son achieves something that few theatre artists anywhere have: he is world premiering two separately produced plays: Saturday Morning Cartoons up at the Pocket Theater at 10:30. (He co-wrote one of the cartoons with me and my other son. I'm pretty sure this performance is sold out, but there will be shows on the next two Saturdays.)And then later in the day he acts in Scot Augustson's "Open Carry", at Seattle Public Theatre. (For details, go here: Seattle Public Theater Youth Presents OPEN CARRY A New Play by Scot Augustson.)


As someone who has done a wee bit of advocating in the past for locally grown new plays, I'm pretty damned proud of how much my 12-year-old son has already contributed to this vital field (i.e., more than most professional theatre artists do in a life time).

 

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As for me, well, I'm starting to feel Iron Noder challenge slip away from me.  At this point, I would have to node twice a day (which I haven't even done yet) at least three times to catch up. I'm still in the decision making process of whether or not to let go.

On the up side of the month so far, I finished my polish of my memoir, which I am calling The Starting Gate. In a week or so I will send it down to my friend down in the Bay Area and he will, in turn, send it to his literary agent. I think this is my best bet for getting this book published conventionally.  One way or the other, I will get it into print. Even if I have to publish it myself. I don't always do vanity projects, but this one feels right to approach that way.

 

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It's halfway through the day and we've already been to see the Saturday Morning Cartoons for which I and my two sons wrote one of the scripts. It was a blast. Very well directed and performed. All the pieces were strong. I never stopped laughing and neither did most of the kids in the audience. It totally captured the spirit and fun of the old cartoons that used to play on Saturdays on the big three networks. If you live in the Puget Sound area you should totally check them out, especially if you have kids.  More information here.

 

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The play "Open Carry" was good. Maybe not great. But a solid "good" and my boy and all the kids did a strong job. Tomorrow is a day for staring down my writing goals and maybe trying to meet them. And also football. Oh hell, let's face it, it's mostly about football.

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