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It's easy now, but it used to be impossible. Standing near him when he was in one of those moods, playing me so easily. I would be standing across a room from him-getting angry -screaming, cursing and threatening him with all kinds of retribution and he would start smiling-sliding his hands into the front pocket of his jeans- the ones that are too tight to fit even a set of car keys. Sliding his arms behind him so his hips jutted out at that wicked angle. Sometimes, if I was really upset and pointing the dreaded index finger at him he would do that both hands through the hair, biceps flash- That was reserved for big moments. He never watched me melt, but he knew I was going there.

My friends said I gave away so much- the next day they would call me and list all my signs of weakness: -my speech going to all stutter mode, my "almost lose balance"-left foot scratching against back of right leg move, and the all purpose bite lip and forget what I was saying give away. It was a big catalog of concessions.

All that is behind me now. When he starts this crap now I just shake my head and walk away. It doesn’t mesmorize me anymore. OK, yeah, it might, but I don't wait around to see if it still does. Why take the chance?

Hey, My mother may have raised a fool, but not a damn fool.

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