October 16, 2018

Yesterday I made serious attempts at finding love and it ended terribly. I went to bed with a broken heart, my friends. Next to me bed are framed pictures of every noder here (some of them are naked pictures) that I look at when I need comfort. You are a comfort to me in my struggle for love and acceptance. My friends.

There are two houses on a hill in my neighborhood. I already own one of them which I acquired a decade ago when I sold my best friend Dale's wife to an Eastern European organization that sells people for sex, which is needed in places where it is not available because of the plots against white men going on right now. Vicious plots. I used to get my jollies feeling up women in crowded places. No more! I could be falsely accused of being "sexually inappropriate" (whatever that means) and sent to prison. No, thank you! I have businesses to run, a theme park to build, and my job as a fully tenured professor of ethics is also important as I teach values to young people. When I testified in open court that I saw Dale kill his wife and put her in the trunk of his car and drive away, they locked him up for life and I took over his house.

Last night the brain tinglers were very active in my brain keeping me from sleeping most of the night. This morning the hairless weasel that was placed in my rectum almost eighty years ago when I was a child turned around for the first time ever and began burrowing outwards instead of inwards. I can feel it chewing all along my poop chute and it is very unpleasant (a word meaning not pleasant). This was interfering with my plans for the day which included taking over the other house on that hill via eminent domain.

That hill is very important for my Moses ride. On that hill I was to place a pair of giant stone tablets with the Ten Commandments on them (the rules I live by). The couple living there is old like me but they are not healthy like me because they submit to doctors regularly. Doctors only want one thing, to extend the lives of people who need to die so they can live off the government dole. Sickening. I am in favor of mass executions of doctors because I believe it would save taxpayers billions in tax money. You can see why acquiring that house is so important in my efforts to teach the Ten Commandments to young people and anyone who goes on that ride. Part of the ride will involve the ride car stopping and pushing your face right into the stone tablets while an ominous voice says, "You will live by these rules!" About time.

The lady of the house is kind of a hottie (as the internet kids say). I've often tried to convince her to let me take out her husband so we can be together but she always threatens to call the police if I come around here and I am worried I'll get a liberal police officer who won't understand the rules of eminent domain. The fact that she treated me this way after I offered to be her lover speaks to a sickness in this country. Her husband is in a wheelchair and has an oxygen tank he rolls around with. He can't be satisfying her sexually. What bullshit is that?

He was going to be easy to take out and I decided to only torture him enough first to get his wife to cry, removing his fingernails with needle-nose pliers (a tool found in many toolboxes). I got her to cry and then smashed his head repeatedly into the wall until it turned into a melon on Gallagher's programs. She refused again to be my lover so that was the end of her. I now controlled the property I needed to start work on my Moses ride.

Because I am doing so much construction for the Bible and Constitution Theme Park, I got a visit from people from the city of Baltimore because I don't believe in permits. They are unnecessarily restrictive and I believe we should be able to build whatever we want on property we own without government interference. They were being very rude to me, so I walked back to my house with them and took the bag with the head of the carved soother out of my refrigerator and showed it to them.

"This is what happens to people who interfere with my righteous mission," I told them. They scurried away right quick after that.

The hairless weasel was starting to crown (a word I learned years ago when I posed as a doctor at Planned Parenthood to stop abortion and ended up delivering babies - I quit after two weeks because it was disgusting and because I kept yanking too hard on the baby's head and sometimes pulled it off completely). The crowning of the weasel was concerning because it has never tried to come out before even during the mad humping I did in the 1970s when America was great before. There was no time for this as I was calling companies that made rides to get quotes on my blueprints for the Moses ride. This was hard to do with the weasel causing consternation. 

"Can I get a discount because I'm doing it in God's name," I told them repeatedly when they gave me outrageous price quotes. "I am a representative of The Lord!"

Because of the election of Donald Trump, who we need to worship first and God second, I felt the need to replace the planned statue of God on the hill with one of President Trump with his arms outstretched to those who wish to bathe in his holy light. They told me this statue would be more expensive because President Trump is taller than God (which is a weird thing for them to say because God is forty feet tall according to something in the book of Ruth I was told about). I repeatedly hung up on these ignorant people and decided to build my own rides out of lumber, nails, and things I had lying around the house.

I called in Chopper and The Slow Kid to ride around town in a school bus they hotwired from outside an elementary school so they could drive around town and "kidnap" people who weren't doing anything and force them to work on my theme park. We now had the labor, materials, and enough property to get started. We begin construction this Sunday as they need time to break these laborers through torture and threats against their family. Oh, they will do the work needed. It is COMMANDED!

There may not be much time. The hairless weasel seems determined to exit and it may have evolved into something menacing that I may not be able to control especially if I continue to be kept awake by the brain tinglers. Something is going to have to be done. This park must be built. It will be my legacy for this park to teach morals, ethics, and values to young people.

Despite not getting hardly any sleep last night, I am having a decent morning. My friend went with me to drop off the insurance paperwork, and I feel much better about that than I did. I had a chance to talk to my boss very briefly, and that conversation was reassuring as well. After several matches on a dating website I was getting discouraged that nothing seemed to be going anywhere, I was frustrated until I remembered a strategy a friend of mine had shared. Her son swipes right on everyone. At first I shied away from this as it seemed calculated, and not very nice. Then I realized that it was the best way to make sure you don't miss a match, and you truly never know what might happen, or who you could meet that you may have passed over initially for whatever reason. 

This took some time, but eventually paid dividends. I feel like I am on a dating website for a reason so I tried to reach out to everyone unless it was completely obvious that I would have absolutely no interest in this person like the guy who said that he had six cats since I am very allergic. I wish him well, but I am not for him, nor he for me. A couple of the conversations were duds, but I expected that. One guy in particular told me how great he would be as a partner, he was an immediate turn off. I fared better with the conversations that came after him and ended up chatting with three other people; a bald guy from Illinois, a portly gentleman from the Madison area, and a window installer from a more rural area.  

The bald guy was fun. We had immediate conversational chemistry and made fun of all the people who are online looking for international travel partners, marathon running buddies, and people who claim to be 'living life to the fullest', yet still in need of 'that special someone'. I'm not sure how we got onto the subject of thrift stores, but we went there, and had a lot of fun discussing the people and merchandise that can be found there. He told me his friends make fun of his frugal ways, to me that is super attractive. He said he isn't cheap, just likes to get a good value for his money, and told me about his recent crockpot purchase for $10 which would have been quite a bit more new on the shelf.

I wasn't too sure about the portly gentleman at first. He seemed more hesitant, but then we started talking about baseball and that opened the door for both of us. He mentioned that he had lost his father last summer, I told him my father died last August, and then we got into a pretty serious conversation about the family loved ones leave behind regardless of their ages. He drives up north to help his mom, he made a 'living in my mom's basement joke' that I thought was funny, but underlying the humor I could tell that he is worried about her as she does not have family close, and is also dealing with her own aging problems. He was nice to talk to, and I'm glad I took the initiative and said hi to him.

The third guy was new to the world of online dating. He was very nervous until I told him all you really have to do is be yourself. He kind of laughed and told me he could do that. I discovered that he enjoys kayaking. I learned more about the installation of windows in tall buildings, and even mentioned that I write which is something I sometimes shy away from because experience has taught me that a lot of people don't really get it, and I'm open to the idea that I may be doing a poor job of opening up about it. He kept on apologizing when he hadn't done anything wrong, but he did tell me that he had been reluctant to join a site, and was pleasantly surprised by the conversation.

Chatting with people, even the conversations that did not go well like the guy who lived in Alaska, and gave me the shortest replies possible, were better than sitting at home going through my normal routine. It's usually pretty easy to tell who is into you, and who is just not. Sometimes people like you, or you like them, but there isn't enough substance to hold things together, and sometimes people drift off, or don't bother replying which makes you wonder why they swiped in the first place although I can say that I have mistakenly swiped on people when I was in a certain mood and later questioned my own sanity so I understand how that can happen. Working late tonight and nervous about that, hoping and praying it goes well despite my lack of sleep.

Xoxo,

J