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My Ouija Board is horribly mean. It appears to be nothing particularly impressive, just a cheaply made Parker Brothers Ouija Board. But it has on two separate occasions show itself to be a heartless bastard.

At my birthday party a couple years ago, my friend Russell entered the living room with a rather disturbed frown on his face. He explained that the Ouija Board didn't like him, and insisted that he exit the dining room.

More recently, a few of my friends and I decided to pull out the Ouija of Doom. It would not answer any questions, but rather would endlessly chant the name of one of my friend's ex-girlfriends, who he had had a rather messy break-up with. After about a half hour of struggling with it, we finally decided to put it away. The board hasn't been used since.

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