Good morning, Mr. Mortonson! How are you today? I'm Rusty Bannon
Do you mind if I call you Sheffield
Well, that was some tour! This is an amazing facility you have here. It's really
awe-inspiring how fast technology has advanced. And just let me say how
proud I am as a native of Herotown that the Sisyphus Labratory for Advanced
Scientific Research was built here.
Now, Sheffield, as a representative of the Allied Amalgamated Underwriters
Insurance Group, I want to let you know that we are going to do our best to
give your lab the best insurance coverage available. We know that these type
facilities are known to have spotty histories when it comes to safety records,
but we at A.A.U.I.G. will be able to tailor make a plan to cover the Sisyphus
Lab's unique needs.
Now, let's get started.
Did you get a listing together of all of the projects currently underway on site?
Thanks. Well, let's see what we have here.
Hmmm...Advanced Genetic Mutation in the Wild Dogs of Africa. And
the project head for that is .... oh, here it is. Dr. Mark Farrell. O.K.
Particle Lasers and Interdimensional Votexes headed by Dr. Deese Aster
and Dr. Malachi Eshous. Hm. Deese Aster and Mal Eshous. Let me make a note
Right, now what is this project? Oh, it is top secret, eh? I wasn't aware that
your lab did government work. Any idea what area they are working on? No.
And finally, Vivisection: A Study in Pre-Demise Organ Removal by
Dr. Otto von Ohgodohgodaaaaarrrghmakeitstopmakeitstopivitch. Is this a
typo or is his assistant really named Red Smear. Not a typo. Okay.
Before I make my final recommendation on an insurance plan for your facility,
I was just wondering: does the plant have a security team? It does! Oh, wonderful!
Who is heading your team?
Oh, his resume. Great. Let's see...Dirk Strapley. Former employment...
Strapley Security...Herotown police...Project: Bicep... and before that
hm... he was a gardener. Wow, that was a change.
Let's see...references. Oh, here they are. All of these people are superheroes.
Don't you find that a little odd? I mean to list as your references The White Champion,
the duo of Cut and Paste, Princess Mojo and Mr. Pentagon just seems to
be kind of weird.
Mr. Mortonson, I have to be honest. With this information, I think I am going to
suggest the full Catastrophic Disaster package. Not only to you get the normal coverage,
fire, flood, and the rest, but your facility would also be covered for
spontaneous mutation, atomic fission, damagae caused by an escaping extraterrestrial,
particle beam, artificial seismic activitiy, electrical damage, rogue computer
program taking over the facility and subsequent damage, marauding transdimensional
warriors bent on conquest, mind-control by sub-atomic life forms, soul-shattering
nightmares from some hell-beast from beyond, out-of-control government
cyborg-ninjas with death-beam eyes, soulless mud men with one of those
machines with the big drill tip on the end, breached containment of an artificial
singularity, asteroid strike, structural damage from termite men from Xuva XII,
or damage to the facility from some terrifying fifty foot nightmare creature from
our worst imaginings stepping on the employee's lounge. This policy also
covers broken window, doors, roofs, floors, skylights, or other building parts
by hero entrances or exits.
So, would you like me to draw up the paper work? Okay, well, just let me know.
Thank you for your time, Mr. Mortonson. Here's my card if you have any other
questions, because I'm Rusty Bannon, Insurance Agent.