This was one of the dishes we fixed at Wicked Retahded on that last day. There wasn't too much to my dishes, but I thought I'd post the recipe for the Salsa I fixed.

I'd never had a clue that fruit would mix so well with onions until my wife and I settled down to a dinner at Starliner Diner and she ordered peanut crusted walleye with strawberry/banana salsa, black beans & rice. The mix was fantastic and it opened my tastes to the possibility of hundreds of combinations. Since then I've fixed Peach, Mango and white Onion salad that rocked, a few other combo salads - but no salsa. I figured that the whole Boston gathering would be a nice place to try out something new (since, to my surprise, I became one of the chefs).

The salsa has a nice, fresh taste and tiny speckles of fire.

Get fresh everything. Don't settle for canned or preserved anything. The salsa will have a short life - even with the small amount of preservative benefit you'll get from the limejuice.  It's not something you'll want to fix the night before either.  It's a quick fix if you have someone helping you chop.


  • A couple of nice, large white onions
- Vidalia or yellow onions will be too sweet and red onions might have too much heat. I'd suggest simple white onions that have a nice sharp flavor. Don't got for heat in these onions, you won't need it.
  • A Pint of Strawberries - Preferably some nice fat ones with nice color.
  • Two ripe Mangos (NOT a Mango Pepper)- Get some that are ripe or just a hair past ripe so they'll be mushy - you want mushy.

  • Three bananas

  • - or four depending on if you like them a lot.
  • Two or three big, fresh Jalapeno peppers - Ok, bear with me. I know this sounds strange, but believe me, it works. Do not use the canned variety, get fresh peppers for this; you don't want to have the other fresh ingredients get soiled by some nasty canned crap.
  • FRESH Cilantro - Do NOT use dried or it will be disgusting. I managed to find a nice fresh bundle of the stuff at the store we visited. You don't need a huge amount, but a nice hand full will do.
  • Three or four limes - You'll need the juice from these... At Boston, I'd put too little lime juice in the original batch and Rosie (Void_Ptr) added more. It cleaned up the taste perfectly. Since my company doesn’t make ReaLime anymore I'm not going to push the stuff... get fresh limes. Splurge for once, goddamnit.
  • Other ingredients - you could probably try: peaches, kiwi fruit... mainly something sweet and a little tart.  I'd personally stay away from too much citrus fruit, save the lime juice, tropical fruit type seem to work the best- maybe pineapple.


    First off, you're going to want two bowls, one to serve, and one to mix. We used a nice glass bowl to serve it, but the mixing bowl should be rather wide, you don't want to overfill the mixing bowl because that will just mash everything together when you start adding ingredients. Get something nice and wide (like a large salad bowl or large mixing bowl).

    Clean and then dice the white onions. You don't want big huge chunks of onion, and you don't want them so small that there's no crunch. Remember you've got some mushy fruit going into this thing and your onion will provide a nice crispy crunch - but big onion rings won't go too well on a chip, will it?

    Clean and pit the mangos, cut into the smallest bits you can... until the Mangos are practically mush. You want the juice and the pulp so they don't have to be in the best shape. They shouldn't stay very chunky. The mangos add the base flavor to the salsa and if it becomes a sloppy mush when you're through cleaning ... good! Mix the mangos and onions. You kind of mix it around until you have a nice, chunky mango and onion slop. It is kind of looks like chunky mango pudding. If you don't want to take risks just make sure mango mash and mix with the onions...

    Chunk or slice the Strawberries in to decent sized bits and add them to the mix. The strawberries should remain recognizable as strawberries - so don't mash them too much. Make sure they're mixed in well but don't get too violent. Your enthusiasm should depend on the firmness of the fruit.

    Wash the cilantro and throw away the stems - you don't want those. Cilantro is like parsley in the fact that the smaller you chop it, the mushier it gets. What you're going to want is a nice, flakey leaf that will add some good flavor and a good contrast color for the pink and orange mix. Add the chopped cilantro and mix it gently, you don't want any large clumps of leaves because it will make the flavor too strong. Start out by throwing in a handful... you can always add more.

    Split and clean the peppers. Get rid of the seeds, you don't want that kind of fire. Dice the peppers into tiny bits. You want to cut these as small as you can while retaining a bit of the crunch. The jalapenos are the surprise in this and they will provide flashes of fire inside the sweet. Without the peppers you might as well just leave out the onions and make the bland, bullshit fruit salad that your grandmother thinks is good (remember that shit they used to put on the cafeteria tray in high school? Don't be a pussy; you want some heat in this bitch). The Jalapenos are NOT optional. If you leave these out you'll be destroying the mix. So, go ahead smarty, take a fucking chance and add an extra pepper - hell, add the seeds if you want. The peppers make this salsa kick ass. Hell, add a habanero if you think you can take it... but do this, don't get really creative with it until you make this first batch. Mix the peppers into the mix, expect to see a nice berry-colored cloud puff up out of the mix and form in the shape of a skull before dissipating.

    Chop the Bananas into medium sized chunks. Don't get slaphappy here and try to get too creative with them. You and I both know that they will be practically mush by the time we're done - so don't spend a lot of time trying to figure out what shape they should be. Get on with it, cut them into small chunks and add them gently to the mix. These add the middle level flavor here. If you don't have these in the mix it won't taste right. Don't put in less than three.

    Juice two of the limes (to start). Get as much as you can. I don't think that you can really have too much limejuice in this bitch. What I would suggest is this: put in the juice of those first two limes, mix it carefully and taste the mix. You should be able to tell if it needs more after a bite or two. Add more limejuice to taste - don't skimp, you bought four fucking limes so you might as well be generous. You might also add a little salt and pepper if you're so inclined - but I didn't.

    Ok, you're done. Serve wherever and whenever you like. This stuff works on tortilla chips, or on fish and chicken (preferably pan seared and nut encrusted or bred-crumb breaded and baked).

    Don't let your grandmother touch it.

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