display | more...

Alright, so I learned today that people think sugar does not naturally come in cubes.

Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Tell that to the people working hard in the sugar mines. I been down there every day seein them sugar miners going at it, whackity whack, and it's all very square down there, let me tell you. Around the feet of the sugar miners are piled great stacks of cubes, and around their feet scurry the cube-boys who scoop up the sugar cubes and stuff them into boxes. It's hard work down there, and harder than your regular mine, 'cause it's tempting to eat the cubes, but if the foreman sees a man putting something in his mouth, he comes up behind him WHACK. Like that! I tell you it's a hard life down there. You're not even allowed to sweat! Because that would get the sugar damp. You're not even allowed to spit! Well that goes without saying, I never spit and I hope you never did neither.

Anyway It's real pretty down there because the electric lights are cool blue, and the sugar crystals shine like diamond. I got lost down there once because the big sugar crystals reflected my face like a mirror, so I had no idea where I was going, and finally decided that I had to eat my way out. I must have ate through ten thousand dollars worth of sugar cubes, and by the end I was dehydrated as hell, but I reached safety eventually, or at least a place where people were. I wouldn't say I was safe considering that I, the twerp who just ate through ten thousand dollars worth of sugar, was speaking to the people who were going to suffer the loss of that ten thousand potential dollars. Oh boy I got some mean looks, let me tell you. 

But I kind of figured that it would be okay, you know, like, people trash tens of thousands of dollars worth of goods all the time, right? People knock over a warehouse shelf and it all comes crashing to the floor, whoops, guess I'm fired? Only, I wasn't actually working for these people, I'd just kind of wandered into the sugar mines on a dare, ha ha, sorry about that, won't do it again, what's that axe for? So I ran back the way I came and decided that if they were going to be mean about it all, I was going to ruin another ten thousand dolalrs worth of goods, and I resolved to eat my way to the surface.

Anyway that's why my hair is white and my eyes are blue. That stuff will do stuff to you, man. I don't think I ever want to go swimming again, I'd probably dissolve.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.