Miranda had chosen to sit at the Hufflepuff table this noon, instead of disappearing for meals. She was some company for Wren as she sat beside them – but Wren did not seem comforted, for the seat on their other side, so often filled by a lavender-clad lad, was empty. Cleo Sassoon had asked if anyone was sitting there, to be met with a snappy bark from Wren that startled her into moving swiftly away down the table.

"Good heavens," said Jocasta, sitting shoulder-to shoulder with Sparrow and Jill, "my good fellow, what on earth has gotten into you?"

Wren looked at the empty space beside them, then back at Jocasta, and raised their eyebrows without saying a word.

"Yes I understand that part." Jocasta rolled her eyes. "And I can’t complain about you two being sappy without being an utter hypocrite. But I’ve never seen you like this even when Iffy is away. Where did my jolly old fellow go? What’s the matter?"

"Where did he go?" growled Wren, giving Jocasta a significant look, at which she narrowed her eyes. Wren hunched over their food, eyes downcast. "Iphis will tell you when he gets here. It’s something really stupid."

Iphis appeared in the entrance to the hall, with eyes glowing so brightly ultraviolet that Sparrow could see their light from where she sat. Silence fell about the hall as he marched down the aisle between the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw table, as people began to catch sight of his eyes. Only when he reached the open seat beside Wren and sat down roughly, and Wren laid a hand on his shoulder, did the glow from his eyes begin to fade.

Conversation resumed, more hushed this time.

"You’ve made a spectacle of yourself," muttered Sparrow.

"Har har har," murmured Jocasta.

"I’m really not in the mood," growled Iphis. "Do you want to guess what Longbottom told me when I spoke to him alone?"

Miranda rested her hand on her chin, rolling her eyes left and right, in a mocking pose of thinking. "Hmmmm. I bet I can guess."

Iphis looked suspicious. "What do you know then?"

"What do you think I wouldn’t know?" said Miranda. "Do you think you’re the first person to be informed of such a thing? Do you think my dear mentor, from whom I withhold nothing, would withhold this information from me?"

"I hate it when we get all cryptic like this," grumbled Sparrow. "What’s the actual deal here? Out with it, come on. Wait, hang on a sec." She picked up her goblet of pumpkin juice. "Okay, go." She started drinking.

"Longbottom told me the Ministry would never allow the school to pay for any sort of hormone-replacement potions, and also come down hard on any sort of transition I make, because it wants to be certain I am fit for procreation, so that there can be as many Wizarding children as possible."

Sparrow paused, her goblet still held to her lips. She lowered it slowly, letting it rest on the table with barely a sound. She had hoped to make a messy pratfall of the matter to lighten the mood, but she found, as she stared unblinking into Iphis’ eyes, that she could think of nothing to do, nor anything to say. All she could do, as she met those eyes, was listen to the faint sound of a solo violin playing wildly admist rumbles of thunder.

The sound disappeared as Jill shook her shoulder. "Don’t let that go too far, dear."

"Right right," murmured Sparrow, "sorry, it’s just – the implications are – I mean, I thought what I had heard in the Slug Club was just a Slytherin thing. Or even just a Slug Club thing. But it’s the whole government."

"Which is largely run by Slytherins," said Jocasta, "who arranged things between them via the Slug Club."

"It’s utterly horrid," said Jill. "I shudder to think of what this prohibition will do to you."

Iphis sighed. "I didn’t get to the second part of what Longbottom said. He said that he would continue to look the other way as Miranda appropriates more ingredients for the hormonal potions, and that he could ask Madame Abbot to discreetly offer advice about making them."

Sparrow blinked. "Not even hesitating, huh? But he was hemming and hawing about our political plans."

"Clearly he’d been fudging the law for years," said Jocasta, "and we were piling a bunch more on his plate all at once. You can’t compare giving a couple kids medical assistance with overturning the shape of society. Although...the Ministry probably could, now that I think of it."

Sparrow grimaced. "Has anyone told Honorius?"

"I don’t want to see how that would go," said Wren.

"I nominate Jocasta to tell," said Iphis.

Jocasta rolled her eyes. "The Heaumonts are a pureblood family. He has to know already."

Suddenly there was a bright-eyed green-clad curly-haired lad sitting in the empty spot next to Miranda, eyes twinkling. "Tell me what?"

"Honorius!" said Sparrow.

"It is an honor," said Wren, reaching over Miranda to shake Honorius’ hand. "Har har har."

"It is my pleasure to have more of a chance to speak with our school’s fabled pirate crew," said Honorius. "I heard my name, and I thought, oh, I must take this opportunity! But tell me, what did you want to tell me?"

Everyone around the table besides Jocasta looked nervous. Sparrow cleared her throat. "It’s, uh, a topic that sounds really skeevy –"

"For God’s sake," said Jocasta, "I told you, Honorius knows."

Honorius lost the bright gleam in his eye, his face growing grim and grey. "I do indeed. I might like to express my frustration, and I’d love to get some more practice with the repairing charm, but I’m not sure what in this castle I’m permitted to smash."

"Let me handle that for you," said Jocasta. Her eyes briefly flashed green. "Perchance, does anyone have a short and thin length of wood I might hold?" She looked around at everyone’s intrigued expressions, then cleared her throat as she saw Wren shaking their wand out of their sleeve. "I mean besides a wand. Something not magical."

Sparrow frowned as she waved her wand at a napkin, transfiguring it into a pencil. Jocasta clapped her hands in glee. "Splendid, love, splendid! You’ve come so far." She snatched up the pencil. "Not that I know what this is, but it will do nicely." Grinning evilly, wild-eyed, she strained to bend the pencil further and further, until it snapped audibly. Once more her eyes flashed green. She placed the halves of the pencil on the table in front of Honorius. "There, my lad, remember that."

Honorius raised an eyebrow. "I would have just used a severing charm."

"Ha," said Wren. "Wizards. Use some proper muggle practicality for once in your life, lad!"

Honorius gave Wren an odd look as he picked up the pencil halves. But instead of replying, he only waved his wand over the pencil halves and muttered, "Reparo." The pencil knitted itself back together with but a few splinters missing. His eyes flicked to Jocasta for a moment – then he gripped either end of the pencil, and, visibly straining, bent the wood until it snapped.

As Jocasta clapped, Honorius once more waved his wand over the wood and knitted it back together. Then he placed it in his pocket, a satisfied expression on his face. "There," he said, "I think that will be a lovely toy to visit my fury on, thank you very much all. And...thank you for feeling as strongly about this matter as I do. I had hoped that this school would be a place to escape the Procreation Pressure, but I have to deal with the Slytherin common room every evening."

Sparrow looked down at her plate and was glad she hadn’t eaten much yet. What she had downed was threatening to come back up.

Jocasta thumped her fist on the table, rattling the forks on their plates. "Anyone who gets in the way of allowing anyone to transfigure themselves is my opponent. Anyone who lays chains upon one of my friends is my enemy." She put a finger in Honorius’ face. "Remember that, lad. Slytherin must stand for the breaking of chains. Tell them that."

Honorius looked nonplussed. "Coming from you, they might take it seriously."

"Talking of which," said Iphis, "Jocasta, do you want to help me with more transfiguration experiments tonight?"

"Oh, you’re so good to me." Jocasta beamed.

"I just don’t get it," said Sparrow, as she tentatively speared a bit of potato. "Nobody in this entire school has batted an eye about – about the fact that I’m dating two girls, I mean, there’s no prospective procreation there unless we get real creative with magic –"

"The Ministry might expect you to do it the normal way then," grumbled Iphis.

"Oh boy!" said Sparrow. "All of a sudden, I feel like I’m getting chains laid all over me! I think someone might just take offense to that!" She turned to Jocasta. "Why, I think I might have recently heard someone saying something about that!"

Jocasta snorted. "Bluff called already, alright. But I’m good to my word. Anyone who tries to get you pregnant besides me will feel my wrath."

"Thank you," said Sparrow. She frowned. "Wait. Besides you?"

Jocasta bore a toothy grin, looming over Sparrow, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

Sparrow shuddered. "Is this an advanced part of your curriculum?"

"Sounds more like an optional post-NEWT study," said Jill.

"Jill could get me pregnant," said Wren. "I mean look at her, god damn."

Sparrow clung to Jill’s arm. "My girlfriend. Get your own."

"You’ve got two!" said Wren, looking indignant. "You can spare one! Don’t be greedy!"

Miranda cleared her throat. "You happen to already have a boyfriend."

"Assuming," said Iphis, "that you wish to continue having one?" He gave Wren a pointed look.

"I’ll be good," said Wren.

"Are we good?" said Sparrow, looking around nervously. Some at the Hufflepuff table were chuckling behind their hands, having seen the antics of Sparrow and her friends. "It’s just so confusing, I mean – I’ve been dealing with the sheer romanticism of this student body for three years, I’ve been putting up with the Valentine’s Day decorations every year, and this year there were hearts floating over our heads that showed the various kinds of love and – and now I hear that everyone cynically arranges procreative marriage? I don’t get it."

"My fellow Slytherins found the hearts somewhat confusing," said Honorius. "Not that people didn’t eventually take to them, only...not all of them took them very seriously. The business of marriage arrangements among the remaining Pureblood houses supersedes emotional considerations. But most everyone besides the Slytherins were taking to the matter much more quickly. I wound up being propositioned outside my House."

Sparrow perked up. "Oh! How did things go with you and Kingsley? Did he say anything to you?"

Honorius grinned from ear to ear. "Red heart."

"God damn!" said Wren, reaching over Miranda again to tap fists with Honorius, eliciting a glare from Miranda that he didn’t notice. "Lucky dog!"

"I certainly didn’t see anyone scoffing about those things," said Jill. "Most of them seemed pleased as punch."

"As I noticed," said Iphis. "So, consider the implications. Everyone here sincerely believes in love, nobody dares stand in the way of anyone’s relationship, they value the sincerity of a match over making sure a match is heterosexual...and yet, at the same time, they also seem to believe so strongly in procreation that they, as represented by their government, demand surety of it. What do you think that means?"

Sparrow’s eyes flew wide. "Jesus Christ, how many people aren’t having affairs?"

"My Father," sighed Jocasta, "although that was only because the fellow must have died years before I was born. I found a picture of him on the desk in Father’s private study – only portrait in his entire suite. Handsome mediterranean fellow, quite young – either Father liked them young or the lad was long gone. But I never once heard of Father going after anyone else...or touching my Mother at all, after I was born. She had her own suite at the opposite end of the manor from his. No, there was no love lost between them, even when she died." She sighed again. "Growing up, I heard quite a bit of talk from my elders about my Father needing to make sure I had three or more children. Ech."

"I got the same from my family," said Jill. "They keep asking me what boy I’ve picked out."

"They’re demanding a heterosexual marriage?" said Sparrow, her fist clenching. "They have to go through me first."

"No, I mean what boy to procreate with. The marriage, they say that will happen to whomever. They just want to make sure they get children out of me. So like, what us three have going, they’d be okay with, as long as we made...let’s see, do the math on replacement rates...four or five babies."

Sparrow erupted in a wheezing laugh. "Are you serious?"

Jill nodded solemnly.

"So people can either have a procreation match and a love affair," said Sparrow, "or a love match and a procreation affair...wow. Okay. This is not Muggle behavior, let me tell you."

"More power to them," grumbled Honorius.

"It sounds grosser the more I think about it," growled Wren. "To force people to – to mate with people they wouldn’t be attracted to, outside of their own marriage – this is what the Ministry is pushing?"

"It’s actually worse than that," said Honorius. "I’ve, uh –" He glanced around, then took the pencil and a scrap of paper out of his pocket. He scrawled a short message on it and passed it to Sparrow. It read, I’ve been overhearing conversations between my mother and aunt about how the Ministry is going to make procreation mandatory. They really want to get their numbers up. Don’t say anything about this aloud here and don’t complain about it loudly, just remember it.

Sparrow felt a chill come over her. She did her best to maintain her composure as she folded the note and calmly placed it in her pocket, putting a big fake smile on her face. "Now Honorius, you scamp, you shouldn’t be passing notes in class! You know I’m thoroughly spoken for anyway!" She shot a wink at Jocasta as she linked her arm with her big, strong, warm Jill. "And you’re spoken for too now, you scalawag!" She winked at Honorius.

Around her friends, her fellow Hufflepuffs burst out laughing, as Jill’s eyes began to glow red.

While they were all distracted, Sparrow unlinked her arm and furtively signed, "Everybody be cool, that’s not what the note said." Beside her, Jill visibly relaxed. Honorius, for his part, had taken the false accusation in stride, but at the sight of Jill’s eyes he had looked like he was about to bolt. Iphis and Wren were only looking curious. "Later," signed Sparrow, "tell you later." To Honorius she said aloud, "Let’s let that be water under the bridge, my friend. How are people reacting to your coming out?"

Honorius shrugged. "No outward hatred. A fair number of awkward questions about how I’m supposed to produce children, though, mostly coming from Pureblood families. I don’t even want to relate out loud what they said to me. "

"Hmph," said Iphis. "Glad I haven’t come out to everyone else, then, I’m not the sort to be seen until I’m ready to be seen."

"Barring your stormy entrance," said Wren.

"I wish I had not made such a mistake," said Iphis. He hook his head. "No, Sparrow, I am sorry, I do not think my gender is actually relevant to a student body I have even less contact with now."

"Gender?" said Honorius. "Wait, are you –"

"Name’s Iphis. Nice to meet you."

Honorius leant over Miranda and Wren to tap fists with Iphis. "Congrats."

"But I’m keeping that all under wraps," said Iphis. "So shush."

Honorius saluted, before Miranda grabbed him and placed him roughly back down in his seat. He giggled. "Yes sir!"

"You keep a lot of stuff under wraps," muttered Wren.

Iphis looked suddenly very nervous. "What...do you mean?"

"I mean –" Now Wren looked cagey. "I mean your actual name. Frikkin’ hate saying your old name out loud already. And also we forgot to tell Longbottom about the MSL even though we literally found it in the forbidden section, I think that might have been worth a mention, hm?"

"Rather keep that under wraps too," said Iphis. "Sparrow, why is your eye twitching?"

"No reason." Sparrow’s eye twitched again.

"You offered to teach people the MSL," said Honorius. "It’s the latest buzz. Is it correct?"

Sparrow nodded, her face growing hot.

Iphis and Wren both put their faces in their palms. "I thought we agreed we weren’t even going to tell Inigo about this," growled Iphis. "Ugh!" He stood up, slightly shaking the table in his haste. "Meet you all at the library." He swept out of the hall without another word.

 

Honorius had been left at the table. The rest of them had followed Iphis at a distance, but at a certain point he broke off for a distant set of stairs.

"The library is this way today," said Sparrow.

"And the Room of Requirement is this way," said Wren. "I’m going to be in my workshop."

"But –"

"Today is for studying Ancient Runes right?" ∫∫∫∫∫ I DO NOT WANT TO BE DEALING WITH THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. ∫∫∫∫∫

Sparrow was so startled by this that she didn’t even think of responding, as Wren departed. She looked to the remainder of her friends – Jocasta and Jill both looking perplexed and disturbed, Miranda looking thoughtful. But whatever they thought of the matter, they weren’t saying anything.

So the children continued on to the library, Jocasta leading the way, Sparrow hanging back behind, head full of troubles. On top of everything else, her friends were being told they could not use their bodies as they saw fit – which was an utterly useless thing to demand of people like her friends, of course, one might as well scold the wind, but if it all whipped up into a storm, that would be dangerous for everyone involved. And one of her friends had long since proved that pressing too hard on this topic could have serious magical consequences. Fatal consequences.

Miranda was hanging back as well, running her hands over the stonework as she strode slowly, as if pondering.

"Hey," said Sparrow, "I’m really sorry that you’ve had a big stone wall put in your way."

Miranda regarded Sparrow with a cool expression, and shrugged. "I think I’ve demonstrated that I will take my life in the direction I see fit, regardless of walls."

"But if they, like, try to...actually force anything? If you have to live with...you know."

°°° THEN I MAY WELL CHILL MANY TO THE MARROW, ONCE MORE. °°°

Sparrow could only think, as they made their way forward, that it was going to be very easy for them to reach the levels of skill the OWLs demanded. The real trouble was going to be toning it down enough to take the test safely. The griefs of all her friends demanded answers, demanded expression, demanded the right of loud indignity, demanded the return of the dignity that had been lost...and how much it had truly been lost, how much pain there was, Sparrow had only scratched the surface of.

They needed that blasted counselor. One who preferably could survive getting blasted. But who?

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