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"My mother always said when you're eating pretzels, chew before you swallow," - George W. Bush

I can't believe he's actually in the Whitehouse!

Monday January 14 2001, the man that is ostensibly in control of the western world almost won a Darwin award. The president was eating a pretzel and watching a football game when he fainted because he incorrectly followed the complicated jaw-up-jaw-down maneuver known as "chewing."

Members of the secret service are kicking themselves for leaving him alone. "We thought that after all of the lessons we gave him on proper mastication that he could finally go it alone this time. We were all real excited about it, but obviously, it was just too soon." A smokesman said. "At least he didn't vomit on any Japanese like his old man" he added.

Following the incident, the White House is reviewing the decision to teach the president to tie his own shoes.

What is more scary? That he's a puppet for corporate rule or that he is truly the best leader that the American people can find to run the country?

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