Or How I Was Almost Thrown Out Of The Pub

"Take the title of a movie and replace one word in the title with .... 'Vagina'"
BF2S forum post

What‽ That's all the game is? Yes, it's a simple game. It's a rude game. It's probably not politically correct. But it tests ingenuity and quick thinking and (at least in the group I was in) prompts much discussion and critique of films.

As I recall it was someone's birthday, much beer was being imbibed (and I mean good beer, lots of hearty American porters and Northeastern IPAs). After a rousing roasting of the birthday celebrant and the inevitable dissing of whatever sportsball teams were on the inevitable TV, someone introduced this game. The premise is simple, as already mentioned; replace a word in a film title with "vagina". The film has to be identifiable, so "Vagina" could be anything, not just "Alien".

It gets vile and rowdy pretty fast. Usual openings might include the more popular films, for example "Indiana Jones and the Vagina of Doom". This is actually a good example, because it promotes alternatives, some good, others not so. "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Vaginas" could be a contender. Sometimes a discussion might arise surrounding the making of such a film; It's unlikely that the Star Wars variant "The Vagina Strikes Back" would be directed by George Lucas, and that forks into a whole new discussion. Memorable plays have included "It's a Wonderful Vagina", "Who's Afraid of Vagina Woolf? ", "The Vagina of Oz, "The Vagina Always Rings Twice" and the wonderfully scary prospect of "Full Metal Vagina". Oh, and (ugh) "Vagina of the Living Dead".

Of course, being human, there is continual back-and-forth as people try to outdo one another. Variants, one-upping the previous suggestion, all these lead to the raucous and increasingly vulgar nature of play. Some films simply don't immediately lend themselves to good play; some titles are tricky, and this is where variants of the game sometimes come into play. These, of coarse allow or encourage substitutions of "penis".

Then there are the more colourful alternative words for vagina. Both British and American English include many words from the banal slot through the funny punani to the puerile axe wound. Sooner or later someone will introduce the simply crass cunt. Not all these lend themselves to the game, but are worthwhile keeping in mind. Or not, as the case may be. This particular night, I do recall someone suggesting we include TV shows, and immediately suggested "Leave it to Beaver". Brilliant cheat.

I won't dwell too much on gameplay, because frankly this writeup would devolve into a mess very quickly. Can there ever be a winner? Well no, unless by some chance all players decide that enough is enough. So now we come to the tale of how I was almost chucked out of the pub. It wasn't any variant. It was simply Three Men and a Baby. After much choking on beer and some protests from others in the bar, it was decided that introducing a helpless child was, and I'm inclined to agree. So I may have "won" the game, but I am not proud of it.

When I was softlinking this, it appears that whilst there's a penis euphemisms writeup, there's no vagina euphemisms. But I'm not going there.

Iron node 7

$ xclip -o | wc -w

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