First of all I would like to say, to all those who are wondering that no, I was not in a coma
for the last 10 years. I'm Indian
and only started listening to English songs
three years ago (when I got my first PC and could search for lyrics
off the net). I regret this because I missed a great deal of great music.
The first time I listened to Nirvana
, about 6 months ago, was the day my life changed
. It sounds lame, but read on.
Woke up, fooled around for a hour. Finally started watching TV and turned on some local music channel
. Most of the stuff playing was some teen-pop shit that I had gotten sick of. Didn't pay much attention to the music
and started reading the newspaper
Suddenly there was a change in the music. I thought finally I'll get to hear some rock music
. Started watching the video. The song (You Know You're Right
) was the strangest I had heard. The only words I could understand was Kurt
over and over again. And then repeating You Know You're Right in the end. The rest of the song was great, but I couldn't understand a single word. I watched the song name flash at the end of the video (which also seemed strange to me at the time) It was by some band called Nirvana
. I had heard the name, but didn't listen to any of their songs before then.
Got up, decided that I had to have that song. Started my PC, downloaded the song using Kazaa Lite
. Played it over and over again. Just loved the song, so I decided that I needed to listen to other stuff by Nirvana. Searched for Nirvana and downloaded some of the popular results (Smells Like Teen Spirit
, Come As You Are
, About A Girl
, The Man Who Sold The World
among others). Listened to each of them by afternoon. Nirvana was among my favourite bands by now. Some of the songs really moved me, the music was like nothing else I had heard.
After eating some stuff, I quickly stared surfing the net for information on Nirvana. The first thing I looked for was the Discography
. That's when I realised something strange was going on. All the albums listed were old, except the latest one, which was a compilation album
. That was weird, because I thought Nirvana was a recent band. They just sounded so fresh and different.
Some time later, the big shock
. I found a site about Kurt's life and started reading. The first thing I learned was about his death
. At first, it didn't affect me much, I didn't know who Kurt was then. When I read about his life, his struggle with bipolar disorder
, his drug addiction
, his contempt for the young generation of his time (much like my contempt for my generation of young Indians), his musical genius, his frustration with his own success, his married life and his eventual death, I was too moved to think. I took a break for some time to collect my thoughts.
I started listening to all the songs I downloaded earlier again, now with a different point of view. The music was great, but the lyrics where the stuff that changed me. I of course didn't get much of the symbolism
in most of the songs, but got the general idea when listening. Like I could tell that Smells Like Teen Spirit was a very angry song, full of rage
and emotion, but didn't understand at what the rage was directed. Still loved the song though.
By late evening, a profound sense of loss overcame me. I could imagine what people went through when Kurt committed suicide, 'cause I was feeling the same thing then. There was this great maestro
who was taken away from us just when he could have given us so many masterpieces. Slowly the feeling passed, I started to appreciate his music for what it was. A statement of rebellion
, shouting out that we will not be sheep our entire lives
In conclusion, I would say that my favourite Nirvana song still remains You Know You're Right. That one song to me represents the whole emotional experience of that day, the joy of finding something I like, and the sorrow of knowing the man behind the music. The song also represents what could have been
, because it is almost totally different than other Nirvana songs. I think I love Kurt because he showed us his pain, and shared it with us. We sometimes pass too quickly though life to even deal with our own pain, let alone some one else's.