Vital Statistics
LOCATION: Arlington, TX (sorta near Fort Worth)
GENDER: Male
AGE: 28
C!'s RECIEVED TO DATE: 76
(out of 104 wu's) ETHNICITY: 1/8 Scottish, 1/8 Sac & Fox Native American, 1/2 Mutt, 100% Texan (by birth and choice).
FAVORITE FOOD: Meat
FAVORITE LIQUOR: Scotch (w/water)
CHARACTER I MOST RESEMBLE IN ACTIONS: Ford Prefect
CHARACTER I MOST RESEMBLE IN LOOKS: A much younger Judge Reinhold
HOW I'D LIKE TO DIE: After a good meal, a good sex, a good whiskey, a good cigarette, and preferably when I'm ready to.
FLAWS: Yes, I am dyslexic. If I can deal with it, you can too. If there is one phrase that could describe my life it would be
"this is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."
For the record: Hats taste terrible and take about a week to pass through your system.
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Latest entry into my "Whomever gives a damn" Log
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13 July 04 - I am officially engaged now. I proposed to her at the annual Sac & Fox Pow Wow near Stroud, Oklahoma, and she said yes. It was a beautiful event and the entire tribe got involved. The tradition we performed is called a "giveaway", and this has prompted me to start a new node in the works.
09 April 04 - I don't believe it. I met a girl. A woman, really. A wonderful amazing woman. One born on the same exact day and year that I was. It was fate. We will marry. Our children will provide heirs for my throne once I am World Dictator. Life is good. Aside from that, I had to get rid of my cats, Wheezey and Bling-Bling, which makes me sad, but I don't miss them as much as I would miss my sweetie. Anyway, I finally added another node. It only took...er... several months for me to get around to it. I'll eventually make it to the next level, but at least my simple node-fu is up past 10. Yay!
15 Sept 03 - Well, life is going even better than before. My apartment is clean, I'm still employed in the "Computer Stuff" field (though by a different company now), and my plans for World Domination are going well. I've also had two new influxes of material to node about, so perhaps I'll see that Level 4 someday after all, and be able to ching all those great nodes out there. And, for those that knew or cared, my one year and one day vow of chastity has finished. Now all I have to do is find a pet circus midget and my life will be complete.
06 Dec 02 - Life is going well. After a long haitus from E2 I've returned and begun to post nodes once again. I'm newly employed by Computer Sciences Corporation and have to date written 4 plays,: Some People Call Them Weasels, Family Time, Chronos Ex Machina, and Dogberry. Additionally, I've written the first two books to a cyberpunk trilogy, and am presently writing a different spin on the Illuminati.
PREVIOUS ENTRIES
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money turns the world
perhaps time stops for the poor
DAMN THE I.R.S.!!!
I'm single. I'm poor. I'm only a man that somehow slipped through the cracks in the system, and is still trying to find a way... any way... my way... back up through the floorboards of society and make it in life. Unfortunately, every time my fingers seem to find a ledge to pull myself up, someone chooses that moment to urinate, while stepping on my fingers in the process. Perhaps I'm laying the blame in the wrong place. Perhaps it is me. Perhaps I'm too lazy. Perhaps I am too cynical. Perhaps I should get back to work...
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For those of you wondering if I will ever node again, or fix my nodes, the answer is "probably". But please understand I'm currently writing two screenplays, three novels, working on publishing a book, and two stageplays. I apologize for the inconvenience. And for anyone that cared, my most recent stageplay, Some People Call Them Weasels was a huge success.
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I have no idea what to think about women. Just when I think I'm ready to give up on them completely, one pops up and says "Wait! Wait!"
Then I find out she's really a psycho and "Wait! Wait! means "I'm off my medication and failed Suicide 101"... Women... psychos... if I ever meet a sane one who can keep her legs together for more than 5 minutes that is actually single, in my age group, and attractive, I will eat my hat.
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ME: "...Randy, why is it that every time I fall for a woman, she's either insane, wants to kill me, cheats on me, or she's already attached to someone else?"
RANDY: "Because God hates you, Brandon, and wants you to be miserable."
ME: "Really?"
RANDY: "No. Not Really, actually it's because all women fall into those four categories..."
ME: "Oh. No, wait... that can't be right, or else no man on Earth would ever be happy."
RANDY: "Meditate upon this truth... and bring back to me a woman who is not insane, trying to kill you, cheating on you, or already attached to someone else.."
ME: "The hell with you, Randy... if I find a woman like that, I'll marry her!"
(I hang up the phone)
RANDY: (hanging up the phone on his end) "You are learning, little one."
I grew up in a quaint little downtown section of Houston, Texas, USA. From about ages 2-11 I was raised by my grandparents and enjoyed living with nice insane people. My grandfather talked to his imaginary friends and taught me many things. One of which was that kung-fu beats bionics any day of the week. Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed my life there, but when my parents decided it was time to take me back and move to Dallas I jumped at the chance. Namely because the invisible people my grandad talked to kept telling him to stock up on guns.
So, in the quaint little town of Bedford, I lived and went to school in the middle of Bible Hell. At the time, I wanted to be a minister (that thought still makes me giggle nowadays) and even this town was too much for me. They cancelled Halloween at my Junior High. No costumes were allowed, no mention of it was allowed, because it was obviously too evil. I guess none of the administrations ever bothered checking out the cafeteria.
I suppose my parents had something of a warm tolerance for me. They got a cat. It's name was PC. Which, at the time, stood for Personal Cat. It was big. It was mean. And we all enjoyed many scars and bleedings from PC. The furniture was not spared the wrath of this cat and we quickly decided to put it outside, whereapon it proceeded to eat the other cats in the neighborhood, and assume their place at feeding time. I loved that cat, but, like so many childhood dreams of being rich, famous, or an astronaught, it died. More accurately, it was taken out by a neighbor with a twelve gauge... legend is it took 3 shots before it stayed down and they still had to hospitalize the neighbor...
Then, the summer before I turned 18 I moved to Austin on my own to attend college, and eventually leave it. I really liked Austin. There was anything you could find there and then some. And better still, Austin liked me. but, 5 years later here I moved to Seattle after a brief stopover back in DFW... now, 3 years after that, I am back in the Fort Worth area, working, and generally pretending to be a responsible 26 year old. Now, you may ask yourself this question. Why on Earth would he want to leave Austin? Or Seattle? I'll give you a hint... it involves women...
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HAIKU OF THE DAY
I've always been fascinated with Haiku, writing them since I was old enough to hold a pencil without trying to eat it. So, I usually write one per day as inspiration to myself, and occasionally to my friend Colin. Here are a few of the funnier, or more meaningful ones (if you see a name in parenthesis, that is their reply to the Haiku, if you see a name without parenthesis, it's part of the poem).
- 15 Sept 2003
Gold and silver bling
Worn together makes faux pas
Says the brother-man.
- 07 Jan 2002
Women are like cats
Give up on them, they show up
And want to be fed.
- 20 Dec 2001
Do Zen and Tao mix?
Complete thought and lack of thought
Do you not think so?
Religious freedom
Allows me daily smoke breaks
Thank god for Zen and Tao
By writing a haiku
Enlightenment drawrs nearer
Justified smoking - 14 Dec 2001
blue girl made me blue
"...maybe she'll be different..."
alas, she's female
all females play games
"hello, I must be going."
I'm tired of playing.
goodbye, blue-haired girl
paranoia stole your chance
at this blue-eyed boy
- 30 Nov 2001
right out of nowhere
oh you took me by surprise
but so far away
oh blue-haired angel
how I long to make contact
with her big brown eyes
- 30 Nov 2001
little blue-haired girl
Oh, "URAQT2".
She knew the answer!
- 26 Nov 2001
I am eggroll dog
The P.M. I be heartburn
That's some ripe shiz-nit
- 19 Nov 2001
Freezing my ass off
The cruel wind smokes my camel
Faster than myself
Jesus Christ its cold!
Oh impotent sun! Why thou
Hast forsaken me?
- 26 Oct 2001
Soft waning daylight
Distant silence of winter
Friday afternoon
I would thank God now
For such a day as this but
He already knows
- 24 Aug 2001
(me)
In the word 'alone'
There is more space than desired
So little solace
(Colin)
is that a blue fish
fishie fishie fishie yeah
blue fish kick arse man
(me)
Callow uncouth youth
Basho rolls within his grave
Blue fishie indeed
(Colin)
basho must be some
high falutin' haiku guy
back in old nippon
(me)
your irreverence
precedes your lack of faith, dude
seek enlightenment
(Colin)
who is to say that
my haiku does not contain
the buddah nature
- 07 Aug 2001
The hammer of God
Above me illuminated
A boiling cloud.
The breath of nature
Gasps with anticipation
At the coming storm
Mockingbirds chatter
For a moment sweet silence
Then shall the sky weep
- 18 July 2001
China, once so proud.
Reduced to fast food merchants.
That stuff gives me gas.
Gentle breezes blow
Music of the city streets
Gets on my damn nerves
Two cigarettes gone
My lunchtime ration passes
Damn the workday clock