"Raymond's Revenge"
Every goddamn night I wake up and drag my tubby ass to the mall. I mop up the piss and paint over the curse words in each stall. They make me clean the food court with this broken piece-of-shit broom. Then I usually empty the trash and jerk off in the first floor ladies' room.
I've been robbed of every damn little thing in this life and the next. I'll go home in the morning and watch videos of my ex-wife having sex. Then I'll buy some beer for me and a wash for my ol' truck. I suppose I'll watch the hockey game but I barely give a fuck.
Tax time's coming up so I'll drop my drawers for Uncle Sam. I'm American, but this yearly rape's the only thing reminding me I am. I was gonna join the army once but I found high school a little rough. Cops caught me drinking a few times 'fore my dad said he'd had enough.
The thing is, everybody else thinks they have power over you. If you take them at their word, there's a good chance they do. Long ago, I made the mistake of buying into all their horseshit. Now I'm 46 and Jesus Christ how I've paid for it.
I'm a weak old man, constantly tricked and beaten down. This world's a circus, and they all think I'm a clown. Those with the powers never saw fit to give me a chance. They got me at gunpoint and love making the clown dance.
In the playgrounds of my youth, I was the undisputed ruler. All the worms looked up to me, and followed my every order. I'd kill you in football or pinball, and I was known to bust heads. But then mommy stole away my powers and put me on meds.
There need to be more powers, more special moves I can pull off. The doctors grab my wallet, tell me to turn and then to cough. The religions want my money, my time, and my everlasting soul. The companies steal all my money the others haven't stole.
I should have laid down the law a long time ago. The world belongs to me; I'm gonna let them all know. All these animals think they can push me around. Time's coming to let them in on the secret I've found.
I finish early, plug in the arcade games and play for free. I might be on the clock, but tell me you wouldn't do it if you had the key. Spinning Rainbow Piledriver - left, left, low punch, right. Fuck, I forgot Monster-Shock Headbutt only works at the end of the fight.
My big day's coming soon; I've almost mastered the game. I'll get my powers back, and erase every ounce of shame. If you're smart, you'll stay the fucking hell out of Raymond's way. Cause when I power up, every motherfucker will pay.