It's Friday the 13th. It's the full moon. I have enough money to make it two weeks unemployed.

And I'm in a not so spiffy mood.

If I had my druthers, this probably wouldn't be the day that I do this...

Is it really time...?

Three weeks ago I was hired by well known and incredible fine arts photographer who I have an immense amount of respect for to help her do a huge number of prints over the weekends for one month. The deal was: if she was happy with me - the offer would be extended to a permanent position...

One day a week. Seven hours a day. For peanuts.

Well... She's happy with me and the offer has been offered and the offer has been accepted.

I just put in my one week's notice.

...and a large part of me is terrified.

Okay. Maybe terrified is an exageration... nervous as all hell isn't. I'm living in New York City with no savings. I have five digit student loans and four digit credit card debts. A voice in the back of my head is talking to me in my father's voice telling me to play it safe and play it conservative.

But come on. I've been playing it safe ever since I moved to New York. I live relatively frugally. I've been paying off bills. I don't travel. I sold my car. I've been working in a Corporate Law Firm drafting SEC documents and not even using the insider trading info...

My staffing agency tells me not to hold my breath about finding something for only four days a week. Okay. I wasn't expecting to rely on them anyway. So it might be time to get creative - bartending is an option, there's bound to be others. If I can hold out for a few months I should be able to get recommendations for working with other photographers - freelance printing, freelance assisting... things I want to be doing. Things that give me joy.

And that's really what all this is about anyway.

I fucking love working in the darkroom. The quiet, the hermit-esque clarity, the autonomy, the challenge - ultimately: the inspiration for my own work. For these last few weekends, I haven't noticed that I've lost most of my free time working this extra job... I've relished it. I step out into the light and I feel powerful.

It's Time.

To hell with that voice in my head.
We don't believe in one another anyway.

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