Once more the
mountain of bones, and the wide weird
lands below. This time, without Miranda and her snowfield, the plain
of hellfire and the forest of gnarled trees were wider. Sparrow’s
bright and blasted dreamscape was as narrow as ever, though.
And there stood
Jocasta, looking out over the fiery land, her face a stoic mask.
"Just us two
this time," said Sparrow. "A little lonely, eh?"
"Technically
three," said Jocasta. "We’re kind of…" Her stoic
mask cracked into a wide grin, and her shoulders shook as she looked
like she was struggling to hold in laughter.
"What?"
"Nothing,"
said Jocasta, "nothing, just
the kind of joke I would make."
"Hmph." Sparrow crossed her arms. "After all that
happened today I don’t feel like joking. You and Jill really went off like fireworks there. I dare
not ask what you told Ealdwine, nor do I need to ask how it was
making you feel – I saw the results myself. But –"
"But you have a question to ask anyway."
"I just need to know if talking to Ealdwine helped you any.
Because, you know, you’re clearly less stable
than I thought, even with me around."
"Ah…" Jocasta’s face fell. "I suppose...being able
to vent our feelings helped, some. He did ask what had caused us all
this trouble...and we were able to fully explain, for once, in
confidence. I still don’t know what this Lord is that Ealdwine
keeps talking about, but his whole Seal of the Confessional deal is
reassuring."
"But Blaise was also there," said Sparrow.
"We were making a racket in front of their house," said
Jocasta. "What did you expect?"
"I expected them to...I don’t know, be asleep during the day?"
"We
were making a racket
in front of their house,"
repeated Jocasta.
"Were they grumpy then?"
"Also invaluable," said Jocasta, "for being someone to
talk to who has more updated attitudes than
Ealdwine. And for being another confidential listener. They speak
only to the dragons, and the dragons speak only to each other. So."
"That’s...good."
Sparrow moved to Jocasta, and took her hand, looking up into her
eyes. "I’m glad you’re finding a chance to speak out your
pain. Feelings get bigger when we hold them in. Although, I will
admit, I’m a little
jealous that I can’t be literally everything for you."
Jocasta chuckled. "As you ever wish to
be for all, eh? But what about you and your own trouble, then?
Didn’t Ealdwine say you need as much of his help as Jill and I?
After your panic attack made that clear. Oh, but I know you, you’ll
try to deal with it by throwing yourself into helping other people."
"You would not be wrong," said Sparrow, letting go of
Jocasta’s hand. "Just like I’m doing right now. Hup!"
She threw herself sideways, leaping off the peak into open air, and
down, and down, and down.
...
Here was the charred corpse, and here was
the buried doppleganger, and here was her body
decapitated – Sparrow wondered if she was going to be shocked out
of sleep with each new body to find, or if the sight would get
easier. She was already feeling only slightly unsettled. Maybe the
next one would –
As she ducked through a low gap between boulders, she saw a great
stone spike standing before her, and she saw her body impaled upon it, hanging pale and limp.
…
Sparrow blinked her eyes open, in the darkness, under soft sheets,
snuggled up to Jocasta’s side, where the girl lay beneath the arm
of Jill. Warm, safe, sweet –
But not the quest at hand.
Sparrow rested her head against Jocasta’s shoulder, breathing in
her scent, and closed her eyes.
…
"I’d hoped it would get easier," said Sparrow, as she
kicked a skull. "I shouldn’t be getting surprised by anything
now."
Jocasta shrugged. "You could just ask Jill to reveal her secrets
directly, and bear the brunt of her flame. Trust your shield."
"And miss all the metaphors?" said
Sparrow. "Anyway, Jill wouldn’t let me. Alright, I’m back at
it." She stood on tiptoes to give Jocasta a kiss on the cheek,
then turned and made her way down the slope of bones, at an easy
stride this time.
As she slipped and skidded her way to the plain, she wondered what
exactly all of these horrifying dismemberment visions were about.
Jill’s primary danger, if she could even be a danger to Sparrow,
was in the form of uncontrolled flame; that had been reflected in the
first corpse, but not the remainder. The rest were just...different
ways to die. Possibly all ways to die. It could be that Sparrow would
be seeing every different way she could possibly die, up to and
including being eaten by a lethifold.
Which could mean she would be at this quite a while.
Nothing for it, though. Sparrow alighted on the plain and made her
way forward. She was going to reach Jill’s heart the hard way, or
get a major headache trying.
Yes indeed, this time, beyond the scene of impalement, in the shadows
of an overhang, there lay a short skeleton whose bones had been completely
picked clean.
…
Sparrow blinked her eyes open, the back of her skull aching faintly.
That wasn’t going to stop her, of course, but it would make her
miserable in the morning. Possibly enough that she wouldn’t be
giving any kisses. Perish the thought, but Sparrow had to persist
anyhow.
She closed her eyes once more.
…
"I just don’t get it. What does all of this mean?"
Jocasta tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean, what
does this mean? Jill is constantly worried about you dying."
"Yeah but – I’m not going to. I’ve got my shield."
"Which can break."
"And I’ve got my crew."
"Which can fail you."
"And I’ve got Jill."
Jocasta rolled her eyes. "You’ve got a lot of confidence, is
what you’ve got. Same as me, I suppose, before The
Spider Incident. Maybe you’ll be learning the hard way like I
did…" She looked out over the plain of fire and brimstone.
"And what would that do to Jill? Have you thought of that?"
Sparrow shook her head.
"Go down there and keep at it," said Jocasta, "and
maybe you’ll figure it out."
And so Sparrow skidded her way down the slope of bones again, all the
way down to the plain – which area between the slope and the lava
field was becoming littered with bones. Sparrow kicked them aside as
she marched forward into the maze.
Once again along the path as she found it, down boulders and around
lava pools and under arches, and once again she was meeting all her
various possible fates. Past the charred corpse and the buried corpse
and the decapitated corpse and the impaled corpse and the skeleton,
and for a while thereafter, she found nothing, nothing but more lava
pools and overhanging crags and huge boulders.
For a while, she had some hope that it would be fine from here on
out. Maybe Jill only thought of Sparrow dying in specific, limited
ways – maybe this would be easy
after all!
And then upon a great flat rock face, Sparrow could see her body
hanging from where its wrists had been staked into the stone, arms
spread wide. A crucifixion.
…
Sparrow’s eyes opened into the warm, comforting darkness. Her head
aching worse than she expected.
"Oh come on," she grumbled. "Nobody
even does those anymore."
She closed her eyes.
…
Sparrow kicked a skull off the peak of the mountain. "I’m not
getting it. It doesn’t make any sense."
"No sense to you," said Jocasta. "But it obviously it
makes sense to Jill, and you have to figure out what her logic is."
Sparrow groaned. "I chose to tackle the metaphors, didn’t I?
Alright. I think I’ve got time for one more shot tonight."
"Good luck then." Jocasta bent to kiss Sparrow on the
cheek.
Sparrow returned the kiss – then she turned and threw herself off
the mountain and down, having no more time to waste.
…
When she reached the place of the crucifixion, Sparrow came to a
halt. "Right," she said, "what’s linking all of
these, if the burning is the only one that’s plausible? I die one
way, I die another way...the only unified factor is that it’s me
dying. Because somehow I haven’t got my shield up in time, or
somehow it broke, or maybe I ran out of juice…" She looked up
at her crucified body. "Or maybe I deliberately sacrificed
myself. Would I be that stupid?"
She paused, hoping that the stones or the lava would give her an
answer. If they could have they would have said yes.
Which meant Sparrow believed it herself. She was that stupid,
wasn’t she? After trying to do everything for her fellow classmates
last month, and exhausting herself for the sake of that one spectacular duel, and every time she’d thrown herself in
the way of one thing or another...if she hadn’t had her shield
spell she would certainly have been in the position of that body
hanging up there.
But she had the shield. If she hadn’t, would she have so often
stood in the way of anything?
She would have been devoured along with the rest of her friends six
years ago. And had that slumber party not been in that position, if
it had been a peaceful evening, if Sparrow had not been so horrified,
would she so steadfast in protecting everyone? She might not have
made such a vow. She was not who she was without that vow. There was
no plausible way to separate it or her shield spell from her life.
And yet, all these visions of death assumed the shield either did not
appear or was not enough. All these were worries of Jill’s. Not
rational, only fearful.
And Sparrow only added fuel to the fire by constantly throwing
herself in harm’s way. She was honor-bound to keep doing
so. No wonder Jill had said she wished to hold Sparrow close and
safe. It was the only position where Jill would be certain to take
the brunt of something before Sparrow. Jill stood as Sparrow’s
sword, not because she was eager for battle, but because Sparrow was.
Sparrow let out a long sigh. "I’m sorry to be scaring you like
this, my love. I’m sorry that I’ve sworn myself to taking this
risk time and again."
The ground shook with a sudden rumble, as great stones began to slide
apart, opening a long path for Sparrow to follow.
And follow she did
– on a path more straightforward, not beset with pools of lava or
tilted stones or sharp jags, yet no easier for it. For along both
sides of the path was every single other death Jill could have
thought of for Sparrow. There was her body drowning in lava;
there was her body being electrocuted; there was her body being hit
by a Killing Curse from an unseen wand, there was her choking on food
– okay, that one was plausible. And so was the one where her soul
was being sucked out by a dementor. And so was the one where a Nundu
was suffocating her with its poisonous breath. And certainly was the
one where a Nark was chowing down on her
torso.
Yet none of these
were shocking Sparrow into waking, not as each individual one had
before. Perhaps because they were all lined up in a row, and they
were no longer a startling surprise. Or perhaps, as Sparrow realized,
all these displays were bringing her to admit that she could
die. Even last year she’d
thought she couldn’t.
And then, of
course, there was the most plausible scenario, the one Sparrow had to
admit she would not be escaping, no matter how long she lived. For as
she reached the end of the long path, near to a space where a curve
in the path showed bright orange light dancing upon the bend of the
rock wall, there in a bed lay a white-haired, wizened old woman,
shorter even than Sparrow was now. Her eyes were closed, and she was
breathing peacefully – until her eyes flew open, and with a
rattling, rasping gasp, the last breath she would ever take escaped
her. And the light left her eyes.
There watching it
unfold stood Jill, stone-faced.
She turned, at
last, and met Sparrow’s eyes. "You finally got the picture,
then?"
"I get that
you don’t want to let go of me," said Sparrow. "I get
that I’ve been making it all too plausible that you might be forced
to." She gestured to the bed. "But it also looks like
you’re admitting to yourself that all things
must end."
Jill closed her
eyes, and, taking a deep breath, let out a long sigh.
"As for me,"
said Sparrow, "I worry that you’ll go out in a blaze of glory,
and leave us."
Jill’s eyes
snapped open, glowing red. "You would not be the first to fear
so."
"Uh –"
"Come."
Jill took Sparrow by the hand, leading her past the ancient woman and
around the bend. Into the source of the orange light –
Where the path
lined by stone crags ended, opening into a vast sea of lava. Far in
the distance, on the horizon, lay the great stone dome. "Alright,"
said Sparrow, "what the hell is this?"
"Look there."
Jill pointed to a spot within the lava. An oddly visible spot. A spot
that was, when Sparrow concentrated, an arm reaching up out of molten
rock, grasping at nothing, then sinking back down. "My death,"
said Jill.
"You –
wait. That was the vision, back in the dungeons."
"My
great-aunt Parvati said to all my family that I would drown in fire.
To all my family, and they believed her." Jill took a deep
breath. "And I have as well. I have always wondered when my end
would come. And when we first met Professor Clearwater, and it was
clear that her visions were at least accurate…I felt like I had run
out of the frying pan and into the fire. It didn’t help that her
first question to me – do you remember what it was?"
"She asked
you about your family’s special new technique of staring into
flames."
Jill hissed.
"Yeah. Talk about starting off on the wrong foot. I certainly
didn’t want to be reminded of my most horrible years, the years I
thought I was doomed to be destruction, a wild little girl impossible
to contain or control...and then...I met
you. And I met your shield. And ever thereafter I have clung to
you."
"And yet,"
said Sparrow, "you simultaneously do and don’t believe in my
shield. It doesn’t appear in any of your visions in this dream."
"Does it
not?" said Jill. She pointed at the dome on the horizon. "Look
closer, little bird."
Sparrow peered at
the stone dome. As she watched, she realized that its surface was not
static, as the surface of stone ought to be, but shifting and
swirling, as the surface of her own magical barriers – and beneath
it, something was swirling in a different direction. Almost as if the
outer layer was but a thin, translucent shell, containing a mass of –
"Volcanic
smoke," said Sparrow. "That’s a bunch of volcanic smoke."
"And what do volcanoes do?" said
Jocasta.
In one moment the
shell was flying apart into countless glittering white shards as the
smoke burst forth into a vast cloud, as fast as blinking.
In the next moment
Sparrow could see the shockwave heading straight at her –
…
There was a light
casting its glow into Sparrow’s eyes. She sat up at once, terrified
that it was the full light of mid-day and she had missed a morning of
reciting the Animagus spell.
But as she
blinked, and her brain caught up with her eyes, she realized that it
was her shield spell, in a bubble around the edge of the mattress.
"Well,"
murmured Jocasta, pushing herself up to rest on her elbows, "that’s
one way to wake someone up."
"Better than
having a frikkin’ volcanic explosion in your face," grumbled Sparrow.
Jill shifted, and
yawned, rising slowly from where she lay. "Volcanic explosion,
there’s a way to talk about me."
"It’s how
you talk about yourself," said Sparrow. She gestured to her
shield. "And let me just make it clear, dear, that it is only in
your nightmares that I am so vulnerable. In the waking world, I am
ever your shield."
"And you
think you’ve been tested," murmured Jill.
"That entire
duel didn’t count?" said Sparrow. "The inferno in the empty tower? Did neither of those represent your
power?"
Jill shook her
head.
"And
yesterday’s outburst," said Sparrow, "that was not your
full output?"
"We got
talked down," said Jocasta.
"Fine,"
said Sparrow. "Fine, we’ll pick a time to figure out how much
my shield can actually take,
in the waking world, and then we can either settle this matter or
figure out how I can do better. If you honestly think my shield can
be broken by magic, I have to do better. You
can help me, instead of thinking you’re going to hinder me.
Alright?"
Jill looked nonplussed. "You would welcome my flame?"
"I
welcome it as I please," said Sparrow. She clambered over
Jocasta, and threw herself at Jill, capturing the girl’s lips in a
kiss. She did not pull back for quite a long moment, though she felt
herself filled all with fire. Only when she could truly take no more
did she withdraw,
meeting Jill’s eyes. "I daresay I need it. I need you.
Do you understand?"
"I –"
"Let me have a turn." Jocasta put a hand on Sparrow’s
shoulder and gently moved her aside, before grabbing Jill’s chin in
one hand and planting a hard kiss on the girl’s lips – before
pulling back near as quickly. "Goodness! You’re all fired up,
girl. Pretty damn hot. In more ways than one." She gave Jill a
sultry look.
Jill,
for her part, seemed to be giving Jocasta
the same look. "It is
tempting, as ever, to indulge you there."
"I’ll just attend to my own business then," said Sparrow.
She dismissed the shield spell, then rolled off the bed and out of
the curtains, into the morning sunlight.
Cold it was, this morning, and colder without Jill near. Sparrow
shivered as she tugged her wand free of the Fetching Stick, and as
she recited the animagus incantation. She dressed hastily thereafter,
tempted to throw herself back into bed and sleep through more of the
morning with her girls, but then, the Sabbath was done and there was
work to do today. Doubtless more peaceful than yesterday.
Or at least, it had better be.