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...please stay on the line and the next available operator will be with you shortly to assist you.

Lies! Lies I tell you... it's all a farce! They make you wait and wait and wait. Why? Because they can. It's a power trip. They have you hooked already. You've paid for your product, and now you want something from them. You need their help. You are a spineless, soulless number on a board of flashing phone lines on hold. And they play the muzak for you. A lousy, pitiful attempt to keep you entertained. Silly insane renditions of Enter the Sandman synthesized into oboes and cellos. And you sit, and wait, and every few minutes you hear... "Please continue to hold. Your call will be answered by the next available person..."

What they should say is...

Hello caller #84769223400024... please prepare for the inevitable torture that will become this support call you are placing now. All of our operators are busy getting coffee or picking their noses, or dealing with morons on the phone who need to be asked the same question three times before they understand what the hell is going on. Your call may or may not be answered in the order received, we are having heavy call volume because no one is answering any calls! We're pretty busy wondering who the boss is screwing in the supply room. So, get comfy, kick back... we'll now begin to torture you with this insane crap we call the 'on hold music' and most of all.... Thank you for calling... whoever the hell we are.

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