So someone puts a piano out on the sidewalk down the street. It's a nice brooklyn neighborhood where everyone puts stuff out for other people to take- they're moving, they don't have room for it, they don't even play piano. They called the schools nearby, they called churches, asked all their friends, advertised on craigslist. No takers. So it winds up outside, a lonely 1920s upright with ivory keys, a couple broken strings, nice but out of tune. Gets lightly rained upon. Passersby play bits of melodies. No one takes it. Some teenagers, keen to impress each other with nihilistic daring, smash all the little wooden hammers until it's absolutely useless.

Walking by to get beer from the store, I think about the beautiful metal harp trapped inside this trashed exterior. C'mon, I say to my girlfriend. It'll be easy, just remove some bolts and lift it out. We'll have an awesome, unique musical instrument!

This was a very foolish idea.
1. Pianos are among the most solidly constructed objects in the universe. Chainsaws and axes might do the trick, but not our pitiful collection of cheap screwdrivers and bicycle tools.
2. The parts we wanted are attached, very permanently, to the least mobile aspects of the contraption. Not removable. NOT REMOVABLE.

As of this writing, the two of us have put approximately 6 hours of solid, intense labor into this. We've removed the whole front of the piano and stacked it on the street. We've unscrewed and drilled and wrenched and hacked and pried hundreds of screws and bolts and pegs. We've loosened and unpegged every string (200+?) on the soundboard, wrenched with prying bars. I nearly threw out my back, and bent several tools. And we still don't know how to get this thing loose, or what it's even attached with.

If you see a piano on the street, either take it whole, or leave it there. Don't try to remove any parts!!!

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.