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One of the trends that I am watching is "how to be successful" for doctors.

It's really lovely scam quackery.

Having attended an "alternative" medicine program, my email is being sold and I am getting a profusion of offers from "successful" providers and also from providers who are building their success from telling me how to be successful....

....it all costs money.

Now, to be clear, I think of allopathic medicine, mainstream MD stuff, as probably being at least 25% wrong all the time. I often have opinions about what I think is wrong, which is not to say I am always right. I thought handing out opiates like candy to everyone was spectacularly stupid and looks like I am right on that. I think marijuana should be legal but is it "safer" than alcohol and does it treat everything from foot fungus to chronic pain? Um, let's not be stupid again and yes, it is addictive, and no, we don't have evidence that CDB is not addictive and THC is. Personally I am wary of addictive substances. I think when I am in some massive disaster, it would be nice if my only withdrawal is caffeine.

Naturopathic, chiropractic, homeopathic, acupuncture, chinese herbs, herbal supplements, medical food.... wow. There is a lot of stuff out there. The "alternative" conference cost three grand and assured me that I could make a lot of money by selling supplements out of my clinic. At which point I thought they were scum. However, I did find some useful gems in the conference. I have not signed up for the ten grand further training that would "certify" me. I may take another course.

Meanwhile, I am exploring the websites, emails and other stuff:

The book by the biochemist that makes your diet a PhD project. Ok, I find it the best insomnia cure ever: half a page knocks me out. And I have a nearly no carb diet I give people to try for chronic pain and it is less than half a page. This author has a blog and wow, really?

The book and website and you can spend $350.00 on sale for 8 1.5 hour videos that tell you that US doctors like me are clueless about the thyroid and oh, she interviews a "natural" veteranian to tell us that animals can be stressed and have thyroid problems too.

I have access to a monthly webinar. Half are how to squeeze, oh, um, make money and half are alternative medical. I have hosted a group of people to see one. Embarassingly enough it turned out to be the greed month and I felt apologetic.

There are a couple of guys, naturopaths or allopaths or neither, who are "successful" (no, that doesn't mean saving lives, they don't mention that, or improving health, no: means making money) and promise me "success" by taking their intensive class online, sign up, live answers, how to make your clinic blog number one on the internet, how to attract the right kind of victim, uh, patient. Sheee-it.

I just bought the book by the vegan animal rights gotta website doctor (MD this time) who one of our cardiologists is touting, if you do the PERFECT diet yeah you can reverse your diabetes. I am going to read it in self defense. My son and I went to a talk that was advertised as science locally and after ten minutes of "meat-eater conservative anti-Trump jokes" we stood up and walked out. The woman in front of us had her small dog with her and assured us it was vegan. How nice.

Dr. Oz, you are for sale. His website says a certain brand of pajamas helps his family sleep better. There is a link so my family can buy some! I am sure: he and his family sleeps on the pile of money. Jerk. Might be a decent cardiac whatever he is but honey, can you "Say it ain't so." It is so.

This is a tiny sample. Tiny. I go to websites daily, when patients say "I am following Dr. Whoopiee's how my secret soooper diet will make you thin beautiful muscular smart live forever defeat diabetes and the perfect man/woman/llama/hamster/enlightenment will be yours for all eternity." and Dr. Whoopiee watches the money roll in....

There is some fascinating medicine going on: I hope to attend the Scripp's conference next year, but this year I am going to a two day one about addiction medicine, because hello: addiction is still rising rising rising. Guess we gotta escape our imperfection. I think we should quit drinking, smoking, buying stuff, looking at the internet, reading presidential tweets, start going out for walks and enjoy whatever patch of grass or tree or bird that hasn't died from the smog/ice/heatwave/hurricane.

And rescue the frozen lizards falling from trees. There. Don't you feel better?

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