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Human beings are disgusting. And yes, I mean me too.

You know those pore strips you buy that you stick on your nose, wet, and yank off to clean your pores? They ROCK. They KICK ASS. Why do I say that? Well, read on, Dear Liza, Dear Liza...(there's a hole in the bucket, Dear Liza, a hole...)

So, I got me some of those pore strips. I took them into the bathroom and read the directions...here's what you do. You wet your nose really well and then stick the strip on, smooth side down. Then you wet the other side and smooth it out on your skin, making sure there are no air bubbles. Then you sit and wait for 15 minutes for it to dry, and GODS does it itch! Then you go to the mirror and grap the two ends on your cheeks and lift straight up, at the same time, screaming in pain as you rip the glued-on strip off your nose...and then you stand there...and stare at the crap on the strip...that you just yanked out out your face.

For best results and to make sure you're good and grossed out, here's what you do:

  1. Take the strip and hold it with one long end in each hand, with the side that was on your nose facing up.
  2. Lift the strip up in front of your face.
  3. Hold the strip flat out, parallel to the ground.
  4. Bring the edge of the strip eye level, and look out across the strip.
  5. Scream in horror at the endless fields of pore-lodged crap that you just wrenched out of your face.
  6. Make sure you notice how badly your over-abundant blackheads stick out among the fields of white pore-goo.
  7. Realize how disgusting your face really is.
  8. Get depressed and drink a Mike's Hard Lemonade.
    (P.S. Mike's Hard Lemonade not included with strips.)

Gotta love detailed instructions.

Now back to why humans are disgusting...it's because these things fascinate humans. Human beings are completely enthralled by anything and everything that comes/falls/grows /fromon their body. Hair, boogers, eyelashes, lint, fingernails, toenails, skin, dirt, eye goobies, lumps of rotting flesh...

Admit it! If you've ever used one of these strips and you're human and not afraid of your own body, then you've started at it endlessly for around 10 minutes (5 at least), just exploring the landscape of pore-excrement.

Pore strips ROCK because they allow you to force gross things out of our skin to stare at and go "ewww". A lot.


Info on the strips I used:

Brand: Biore` Pore Perfect Deep Cleansing Strips
Company: Biore`Division, The Andrew Jergens Co., Cincinnati, OH 45214 ©1997 www.biore.com
Product Page: http://biore.com/products/pore_perfect_nose.html
Strips in a Package: 6
Warnings on Box:

  1. Avoid using on blemishes or inflamed, swollen, sunburned, or excessively dry skin
  2. Avoid usage on skin which is sensitive to bandages or peel-off masks
  3. Use only on the nose
  4. If the Biore` Pore Perfect Strip adheres too strongly to your nose or is too painful to remove, wet the strip thoroughly and carefully peel off. Rinse off any residue.
  5. Do not use more often than once every three days

Magnified Pics of the Results: http://www.grub.net/npp.html

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