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i went walking this morning.
an hour or so before dawn, i think.
i wore my coat and no shoes.
i watched the trees obscure the faint skyline for a while, the i kept walking.
i was in the middle of two hills, and vaguely wondered whether i should go on to the next hill to see the sprawling city, or turn back and see what awaited me.
i chose to go on.
i stood at the top of the hill, the wind flowing beneath my ponytail, and down the back of my shirt, whipping those faded little arcs of hair around my ears into my eyes.
i watched the lights for a while, their auras flickering and glowing as the wind prompted tears from my eyes.
i thought for a while, on nothing that could ever help me, and slowly got colder and colder.
i turned back.
i walked a little faster than before, now facing into the wind, the sides of my coat whipping behind me.
i had to wrap my arms around myself, hands still in my pockets, to preserve any pretense of warmth.
perhaps it was the same iciness of the wind, that made my bare feet numb, or maybe it was something else, but when i got back home, apart from feeling cold and in pain, despite everything that was opposing my happiness, i actually felt better.
i think i might walk more often.

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