You can give me a cocky bullshitting type any day of the week and though I may bitch for hours on end about his arrogance and lack of virtue I’ll still choose him over the weak yes-man for a roll in the hay every time.

This doesn’t mean I like to be insulted, slapped about or degraded (well, not on the first date anyway), it’s just that there’s something unavoidably alluring about a supremely confident man. His confidence may be misplaced or based on some illusion, like he’s the next Billy Connolly when it comes to telling jokes or that he’s the coolest guy in the office and every one loves him. The truth may be that people feel sorry for him, laugh at the jokes because he tries so hard and say his new T-shirt looks fab even though it reads “I’m a twat” in Chinese. I still find myself drawn to men with big egos.

Neither does he have to be good looking. Many a time have I found myself wanting to jump right into bed with bigheaded men sporting equally big waistlines. They reckon they’re brilliant and consequently so do I and a larger than average girth is not going to put me off. In fact I found the one chubby man I succumbed to pretty hot between the sheets. Maybe because he knew how to enjoy the good things in life – food as well as the naughty stuff.

Now, don’t go reading this and think, this sick cow finds obese male chauvinists attractive, how twisted. There has to be something there – some pretty heavy electricity that fires the whole thing off. It’s just that I’ve come to realise that electricity shows up mostly when the man in question displays large amounts of self love.

Maybe it’s based on some subconscious feeling of superiority – knowing that I’m better than he is. Or maybe it’s more flattering when a man with high standards picks you to hang off his arm (or chandelier). Whatever it is, I’m hooked on bloated cock-sure sycophants and can’t seem to stop.

As for the nice guys, the men who I’d be better off with. Who’d take me out for dinner and pay both halves, meet me when they said they would and never phone from somewhere noisy at 3am, pilled up and asking for a favour. Well, what’s sexy about a man who bends out of shape just to please you? There’s no turn on in looking at a guy who thinks that fucking your brains out up against a tree would be a humiliating debasement not a pretty horny idea.

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