(I've noticed that my daylogs seem to chronicle my mental health-- I am not breaking that streak today.)
I am proud of myself. I am happy. I am in love. I am being (relatively) productive. I got accepted yesterday into my top-choice college. Life is good.
Life has always been good for me, on the outside anyway. I had a Brady Bunch childhood, no severe trauma, no nightmares, and when I got my period I never even got cramps! But, for reasons I won't get into because I've written about them elsewhere (When Life Becomes An Acid Trip), I developed a depression problem.
I don't know why I haven't been depressed lately. Sure, I lost my virginity and got accepted into college, but nothing really earth-shattering or life-affirming has happened. But, since New Year's Eve, nothing has been the same.
That's a month and a half, guys!!!! I'm sure lots of people don't understand why that's such an accomplishment, but it's huge. I haven't been this happy for this long in literally years. I mean, of course I have regular emotional ups-and-downs, when I get angry or embarrassed or listen to sad music, but each one is temporary. It's really strange, actually.
Now when I go to the bathroom at school, it's because I actually have to pee, not because I'm about to cry. I can thank my boyfriend for the compliments he gives me without wondering what's in it for him. I have the energy to actually care about other people (how sad that that is an accomplishment!) and the drive to work on my passions. I'm a lot less pessimistic about human nature and society in general. I treat people much nicer because I'm not irritated all the time. I don't feel so isolated from people who used to be my friends. I'm a lot less neurotic.
I know that there's a huge possibility that the happiness won't continue, and I understand that-- depression feels like a part of who I am. But after noticing how wrong and messed up all my thinking was, I think I'll be able to handle it when it happens again.