Whilst cycling to work this morning I thought of a new sport, or
pastime. I call it
Dart Fishing. The idea came to me as I went up a
bump. Perhaps the sudden jolt dislodged some of my thoughts, and shook them up. If it is the case that sharp physical jolts are creative catalysts, we must expect genius from the
trampolinists, because their sport consists entirely of sharp physical jolts. Perhaps, however, the action of
trampolining does not leave the thoughts enough time to settle. Therefore, I believe that the key to creativity is trampolining, but in moderation, and with frequent breaks.
The sport I thought is a combination of darts, and fishing. There are fishes in a bucket, and they each have a point value painted on their backs. Do fish have backs? They do not. The points are painted on their sides. And they are forced to swim sideways, so that the points are visible from above. Perhaps the fish could be different colours, rather than having numbers painted on them.
The fish are different colours, and they swim around in the bucket. The players stand over the bucket, and drop darts onto the fish - the scoring system is just like darts. The smaller numbers are represented by larger fish, which are easier targets, and vice-versa. If it is shown on television, the footage would have to be dubbed, in order to mask the squeals of the fishes as the darts pierce their flesh. The squeals might disturb the audience.
It may sound a cruel sport, but somewhere in the universe there is a world where intelligent, ambulant fish throw darts at human beings. Do the fish on Earth feel guilty about this? They do not. It all balances out. Perhaps the fish on this alien world swim around in a giant pool, and fire darts up out of the water into the bodies of human beings who are pinned to the roof of a low cave just above the water. All for the benefit of the fish television audience. I admit that the analogy does not work very well in reverse. It is hard to think of a hypothetical situation where fish are the masters of men. Daryl Hannah in "Splash".
And somewhere in the universe there is a world where a higher form of life forces fish AND human beings to fight EACH OTHER for THEIR pleasure.
Which leads me to a great joke I have thought. I will post it to Vic Reeves.
Bob: Hey, Vic, do fish squeak?
Vic: No Bob, they don't.
Bob: (pulls out a plastic fish, rubs it with his fingers, it makes a squeaking noise) I think you'll find they do, Vic.
I think I'll go off and rewrite my article on Opus Dei, the album by Laibach. Yes, I shall do that.